When God Isn't Perfect

There is nothing quite like Christmas to stir up thoughts of the past. The lights and the trees, the smells and the sounds, so many things that can trigger memories of years gone by. And perhaps, a few "perfect" moments; picture framed in our minds and forever cherished.
I recently took my daughter to the Christmas Twilight Parade in hopes of creating such memories for her. We watched to floats go by, decorated with lights, playing music, and of course throwing out some candy for the kids as well. The weather was perfect and new Christmas memories were made; it was good night.
There were two floats in particular that caught my attention however, but not because of their theme or design. It was the organizations that presented them that took me back to memories past, memories of a time where perfection meant something much different to me.

I never went to public school. My parents, trying to do what they thought to be best for me, sacrificed and sent me to private school. Now, private schools are notorious for many things, and a more strict code of conduct is usually right at the top of the list. The first school that I ever attended was no exception, and was, quite frankly, one of the most disciplined schools in the area. Corporal punishment was part of the rule book, and spanking was still common.
There was a system of punishment in my first school that I became quite familiar with;  let me explain.
At least once a week, the principle would come to our classroom and stand at the doorway with a list of students names. One at a time he would read off the names, and as you heard your name read from the list (which mine almost always was, lol) you would stand next to your desk, completely silent. We were the condemned, standing awkwardly for our classmates to watch; we waited for our punishment. A chair was placed in the front of the classroom; one at a time and in the order that the names had been read from the list, each student would walk to that chair, bend over, and grab the seat of the chair. What came next were three good swings of the paddle, but there were rules to that as well. 
You could not move, flinch, or whimper; any excessive movement or crying would result in another swat, and believe me that three was enough, you really didn't want any more. For three years , that was a pretty steady routine of mine; until I was made of stone. I could stand there like a statue, and not show an ounce of pain or emotion; I could take it like a man.

Today, there are many that would condemn this type of training, and there are some that would applaud it; I have chosen to simply learn from it. It was what it was, and it is a part of me. But, for a young boy that could barely sit still, whose mind was constantly racing and seemed to be connected directly to his mouth; well, those years left a lasting impression - haha. One thing, however, was clear; even at that young age, I was expected to be perfect. The standard of perfection was set very high, so high that no one could actually achieve it; but no one could bring themselves to admit that either. It ultimately led to a choice; realize that you could never live up to such expectations and accept the shame, or put on the mask of religion and pretend to be perfect.
As a young boy, I wanted so badly to please everyone and be accepted; but I knew that I was not perfect, so I chose my mask. I would have to be stronger, more disciplined, unbreakable; if you haven't already guessed it, at the least, you should not be surprised. Only one person was strong enough to never cry, to never break, to never give up; and as silly as it sounds now, I told myself that if only I were Batman then I could be what they wanted me to be.

Now as fate would have it, in the third grade I left that school for another. Our church had started a small elementary school, and my mom was a teacher there. Everyone knew me, and it was a little more relaxed atmosphere. They had this new thing called "recess", it was wonderful. I got to run and play and burn off that extra energy that always seemed to get the better of me. At the end of the day, however, I was still me; and that moment of the chair, the principal, and myself, found me at this school once again. What happened next was as humorous as it was tragic, let me try to retell the tale.
There were no public spankings at the front of the classroom in this school, but you did get sent to the principal's office if the occasion called for it; and being me, I'm sure that this particular occasion called for it. The next part I was very familiar with, 
I was told to grab the chair and so I did. 
I looked forward and the first swat came, no problem. 
There was a slightly longer pause than what I was used to, but then came number two.
Just the right amount of sting, hey this guy knows what he is doing; one more to go.
This pause was even longer, I started to wonder should I dare to turn around, was it done?
I almost flinched, but then came number three.
Oh yeah, this guy knows what he is doing; I've got the tingly's going on now.
I turned to look over my shoulder and get my, you can go now nod.
Nothing.
This is weird, I did my part right; so what is this?
Oh well, one more it would seem... WOW! that had some fire on it.
Surely we are done now.
I turned to look at him and our eyes locked.
He was looking for something, and I was not going to give it to him. I was in Batman mode, the cape and the cowl were secure and I was unbreakable, I would not disgrace myself by crying out.
He gestured for me to grab the chair again, and so I did.
I don't want to lie, I don't remember how many more came after that; but I do remember thinking that I was wrong. This school was worse and it was going to be a very long year.
But there was something that I did not know about this man. He had a much different perspective than what I had been previously exposed to; and it was his belief that until there were tears, the child was not truly sorry or repentent of his transgressions.
Unbeknownst to me, there was a conversation that occurred later that day between my principal and my mother that went something like this:
Your son was sent to my office this morning.
-And how did that go?
Honestly, I have never seen anything like it and I am a little concerned. 
-What do you mean?
There was no emotion, no sign of giving in, I have never seen anything like it.
-Oh God, I should have told you. That is how he was taught to respond at his previous school, let me explain...
My principal was not terrible person, and he did feel quite bad about that experience. I did not know about his conversation with my mother at that time, but I did notice that I never had an experience with him like that ever again. At the worst, when I was sent to the office, I might get one swat and he would send me back to class; nothing that I couldn't handle. You could say that one misunderstanding paved the way for a much smoother year, lol.

In the efforts to create a "perfect" child, discipline is considered the cornerstone; and spanking is often one of the central supports. But if left unbalanced, without love and compassion, tenderness and forgiveness; it often results in anything but a perfect child.
As a father, spanking was and is one the hardest things that I had to reconcile with my upbringing. I do believe in the scriptures, and I do believe that you will ruin a child without the presence of discipline in their life; but that made it no easier for me to do.
I remember the first time that I had to spank my son, not a quick tap on the fanny; but a "you are being punished" spanking. I was fighting so many emotions, that for some reason I bit tongue through the whole process. I bit down so hard that I was almost sure that I must have broke the skin and would be bleeding, I am pretty sure that it did hurt me more than it hurt him.
In truth, I have always bitten my tongue when disciplining my children, which honestly is not that often. But I never really took notice, or thought about it much until last year. I remember thinking, why do I always bite my tongue; so I began to pray about it. The Lord's answer came to me in two parts; this is what He told me.
First, you bite your tongue so that you will not speak in anger, or say words that will damage in ways that you would regret.
Second, whenever you have struck something or someone in anger or frustration; anytime that you have lost control in blind rage your teeth were always clenched. As you were taught to do, like a fighter you would lock your jaw as you clenched your fists. You cannot lock your jaw if you are biting on your own tongue, it is the bridle that keeps you in control.
It was humbling.
Humbling to know that I was so messed up, that I needed such a crutch; but comforting to know that God had made a way, even when I had not realized it.  Because I had always asked for His help, and He was faithful to give it.

But why bring all of this up, what is the purpose of spending so much time in the past?
Recently I have found myself in the place where my strength can no longer help me, the place where what I know can no longer guide me to where I must go. Exhausted I finally turned to the Lord and asked, "What do I do?" 
He responded. "CRY OUT TO ME."
What surprised me was that I could not do it.
Many of you have watched my journey for the last year and a half. I have been praised for my strength and my faith, in the face of the heart attack and cancer I was unshakable. But what I must confess, and did not even realize was that I relied more on my strength than anything else. Most of my life, but particularly the past ten years, I have sought to know God and His ways. I have studied and I have prayed, and it was sincere; but sometimes you can wear the mask for so long that you no longer see your true identity, you no longer see the mask in the mirror. 
Ten years of preparation gave me the strength to be Batman for one year, and I was perfect. I took whatever was thrown at me and I did not flinch, I held on to the chair and I was unbreakable. I fought for my health, I went to the gym, I encouraged others, I was an inspiration, maybe even a superhero; but then something else began to happen. I began to weaken again, the harder that I pushed the more that it hurt; but I told God that I could handle it, I would not be moved. Then Norma had to face cancer and I felt helpless, I did not have enough strength for her too; I began to crack. The more I tried, the more my strength was depleting; but I still wanted to be perfect, resenting that I knew I was not.
Again I asked God for the strength to continue, and his response was the same; CRY OUT TO ME, but I refused to cry still.

In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.   Psalm 18:6


As a father, I know my children. I know their personalities, their quirks and their qualities. I know what will bring them happiness and I care when they are hurting. There have been times throughout the years, when it was "too quiet" in the house. I would call their name as I looked for them, and I would eventually find them in their room softly crying. There was lots of hugs and kisses and comfort, assuring them that all would be alright.
But I also know their cry. Nothing gets in my way, when I hear "that cry" for help; time stops and nothing else matters until they are safely in my arms. Whatever has happened can be dealt with, it's a matter of presence.

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.   Hebrews 4:16

Religion is the mask that alters our perception of God's perfection.
I did not know how to approach the throne of grace because I never recognized it. Jesus sits on the throne of grace, we think of it as a golden throne; but in truth , it is an ancient Roman whipping post. It was the determination of grace that held him there, and his mercy is that he took our stripes so that we might be healed. 

I realized that I could not cry out to the throne, because I was bracing for the post; ready to silently endure my stripes, instead of freely receiving his mercy. The whipping post only becomes a throne when you see Jesus sitting upon it; you have to take off your mask to recognize it, when you hide behind religion you are hidden from the truth.

Behind our masks we only see an altered reflection of the truth; but God asks that we come to the altar, to remove the mask and reveal a new nature, a living spirit, a reflection of His perfection.

For weeks I knew what I had to do, and it terrified me. 

So, on a cold and windy Sunday night, I went out to the beach on Lake Michigan in November; because I didn't want anyone to see me, I didn't want my family to think that I had lost my mind. I stood in the dark, and let the crashing waves hide the volume of my cry; I cried to God,

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!.... please help me."

I simply cried out for my Dad to come and find me, to hold me and tell me that He was there.

I had no heavenly visions that night, Jesus did not appear to me walking across the water; but a weight was lifted. A little boy, who still wore a mask, no longer felt the burden of trying to be perfect; and he walked away, leaving the mask behind. 

How do you recognize perfection?

Does it need to be announced so that you will not overlook it, or does it simply captivate you the moment that you enter into it's presence?

I searched the "I Am's" of God, and He does not declare, "I AM PERFECT". 

He does not have to, we just recognize it. 

So why do we insist that we must be perfect, why do we spend so much time and effort trying to convince others that we are?

When you know what God says about himself, you will see what your reflection should be.

"I AM"   _­­John 8:58 (NKJV)

"I AM who I AM"     Exodus 3:14 (NKJV)

"I am Alpha and Omega" (Jesus)     Revelation 1:8 (NKJV)

"I am from above" (Jesus)     John 8:23 (NKJV)

"I am God Almighty"   Genesis 17:1 (NKJV)

"I am he"   John 18:5 (NKJV)

"I am he who comforts you"   Isaiah 51:12 (NKJV)

"I am holy"   1Peter 1:16 (NKJV)

"I am the door" (Jesus)   John 10:9 (NKJV)

"I am the door of the sheep" (Jesus)    John 10:7 (NKJV)

"I am the good shepherd" (Jesus)    ­­John 10:11 (NKJV)

"I am the light of the world" (Jesus) ­­ John 9:5 (NKJV)

"I am the bread of life" (Jesus)    ­­John 6:48 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD, and there is no other"   Isaiah 45:5 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD who heals you"     Exodus 15:26  (NKJV) 

           

"I am the LORD who makes all things"   Isaiah 44:24 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD, the God of all flesh"   Jeremiah 32:27 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD your God who divided the sea"   Isaiah 51:15 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD your God who teaches you to profit''  Isaiah 48:17 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD exercising loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness"  Jeremiah 9:24 (NKJV)

"I am the LORD, your Holy One"   Isaiah 43:15 (NKJV)

"I am the resurrection, and the life" (Jesus)_­­    John 11:25 (NKJV)

"I am the root and offspring of David" (Jesus)   Revelation 22:16 (NKJV)

"I am the Son of God" (Jesus)   ­­John 10:36 (NKJV)

"I am the vine" (Jesus)    ­­John 15:5 (NKJV)

"I am the way, the truth, and the life" (Jesus)   ­­John 14:6 (NKJV)

"I am their inheritance"  Ezekiel 44:28 (NKJV)

"I am their possession"   Ezekiel 44:28 (NKJV)

"I am your exceedingly great reward"   Genesis 15:1 (NKJV)

"I am your portion and your inheritance"   Number 18:20 (NKJV)

"I am you salvation"   Psalm 35:3 (NKJV)

"I am your shield"    Genesis 15:1 (NKJV)

"I am with you"    Acts 18:10 (NKJV)

"I am with you to deliver you"   Jeremiah 1:8 (NKJV)

"I am with you to save you"    Jeremiah 30:11(NKJV)

"I am with you always" (Jesus)    Matthew 28:20 (NKJV)

The Sound of Silence

We search for a vision in the waters of reflection, as we wander aimlessly in the desert of silence.

What if one of the most recognizable songs of the sixties turned out to be an incredibly prophetic insight to our time?
I recently, and quite accidentally, heard a more current recording of the song "The Sound of Silence". I couldn't explain why, but I became fascinated with the song. It was by no means the first time that I have heard this song, I have known it since I was a boy. Yet I found myself on YouTube, watching videos of different artist and interpretations of a seemingly timeless classic; but it was the lyrics that ultimately gripped my attention. As I was considering the imagery portrayed, a question came to mind.

If you were living in the year 1963 and given a vision of society today, an anonymous viewing of the masses of people completely immersed and dependent on mobile devises and internet connection;
How would you describe it?

Take a few minutes to read and consider these lyrics with that point of view in mind.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
Fools, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Consider some of the lyrics:

When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night,
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence,
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made

If you had never seen, nor had any knowledge of what a cell phone was, how would you describe it?
If you were given a glimpse into this future and tried to describe the impact of the small box of light that everyone seemed to carry in the palm of their hand, could you put it into words?

Is technology evil?   I would say No.
Will mobile devises be the downfall of our society?   Not necessarily.
Let's face it, most of you are probably reading this on a mobile devise right now.
The question that needs to be considered is this: What is it that we are neglecting as we post, scroll, troll, edit and swipe; what remains unseen in our fascination with viewing everything under the sun, what do we miss that is sitting right next to us?
Most every psychological study today reveals that while we live in the most technologically connected society that has ever existed, more people feel disconnected and alone than ever before. In our quest to know everything about everyone, we learn little about what matters; particularly about ourselves. For centuries men looked up when seeking answers to the unknown, they searched their surroundings to understand the world around them; but now, we look down to see a world filtered through another's perspective.

Psalm 19:1-4
The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;

no sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the end of the world. 

We may not hear God's voice audibly today, but He is by no means silent.

He made sure that all of creation would speak of His greatness, and testify of His glory. After a time when it seemed that He had been silent the longest, the Word became flesh and walked among men for thirty-three years. And now that we have His written word, we have no reason to remain silent.

Life is so much more than just knowing what is going on around us. We are meant to know one another, we were created to have relationship with our creator. The greatest search engine is found in the soul, and the answers it requires cannot be found on Google.

What is more satisfying, the screen or the skies;

Would you rather study a profile, our look into their eyes?

The people will perish from a lack of vision;

Because in silence, they could not listen. 

 

The Most Difficult Thing To Share

As I was lying in bed this morning, I recalled a conversation from years ago.

I was speaking with a very good friend, a man who had endured many hard times but had always trusted the Lord. We shared stories of trials that seemed hopeless in that moment, until God showed up and made a way where there had seemed to be no way. We both concluded that God was always faithful, even though we did not always understand His ways. And then I made a statement that caused both of us to pause for just a moment,
 - "There is a feeling when the weight of the heartache is lifted, that moment when you know that God has just answered your prayer. You take in a deep breath, and your heart feels as light as the air that has just filled your lungs. You have just witnessed the miracle and you know that everything has just worked itself out.
One day, I hope to have the kind of faith that can experience that kind of feeling, without yet having received my answer. To stand in the middle of the trial with the peace of completely trusting God with the outcome. A heart that is light, while the burden is still heavy." -
 It has been at least ten years since I had that conversation, yet I still recall it as if it had just taken place ten minutes ago.

There has been a great deal on my mind recently, but as I was lying in bed this morning I came to a realization. Today I have the opportunity to experience that kind of faith. The faith of Job when he declared,  "Naked I came out from my mother's womb, and naked I will return there. Yahweh gives, and Yahweh takes. Let Yahweh's name be blessed."  Job 1:21; or when he pleaded in 13:15, "Even though he kills me, I'll continue to hope in him. At least I'll be able to argue my case to his face!" 
Job never knew that his story was going to be written down so that we might study it, and be encouraged by it for thousands of years. There are two key factors that are central to the story of Job, his suffering and his faith. Both were recorded so that we might fully see the greatness of God.

The most difficult thing to share is that we don't always understand what God is doing, or how things are going to play out in the end. Especially when we don't know what could have been done differently.

It becomes increasingly difficult to lie to the people of God, especially when you feel the Lord compelling you to be open with them.
Friday night I was at the church for a special service. I had gotten there early and was just enjoying wandering around, striking up random conversations and catching up with friends. I found myself talking with Pastor Joe. We talked about his recent vacation to New York, we talked about our families and our children, and then he asked me how I was doing. I gave my usual answer that I was okay, but somehow in that moment, I could tell that he saw through that answer. 
He asked again, "No, really, how are you doing?" 
I insisted, "I'm fine, I'm just feeling too old for all of this, I'm probably just tired."
I could see in his eyes that he was seeing more than I was ready to share, but he didn't press. He did make the comment that Moses was eighty years old when God used him to bring Israel out of Egypt, So I was still young and God has plenty of time to use me. Pastor Joe said, "You know that your second half can still be greater than the first." At that, we chuckled, I gave him a hug, and we went on our way.
Saturday morning I woke around six a.m. I decided to go for a walk, I needed to pray and hopefully clear my head a bit. There are some things coming this week that I don't want to tell you about, things that seem too personal, things that make me feel vulnerable when spoken aloud. But for whatever His reasons, God told me that He was going to make me a "spectacle". Last year He set things into motion with my health, and our family that has caused many people to take notice of our lives. So what I share now is not to gain sympathy, nor is it because I am in despair or afraid. I want the opportunity to stand before men and God and say that even though this weight might crush me, my heart is light because I trust my God.

Last Thursday, I went with Norma to the hospital for a biopsy of a large lump on her breast. It is deep and sitting on the muscle which is causing her pain. It will have to be removed, the biopsy is only to determine how aggressive the surgery and treatment will have to be. Neither of us want to hear the word cancer again, but Norma's response was this: "Whether it is cancer, or it isn't; I can't change that, I can only trust that God will see me through this." We will get the results of that biopsy on Tuesday and make preparations for the coming surgery to remove the mass.
This Thursday, Norma and I will stand before a judge in bankruptcy court. Eight months of not working last year and all the medical bills that I accumulated has wiped us out financially. We have been behind for months and have not been able to catch back up, but we don't want to loose our home. I won't lie and say that I have always been faithful in giving my finances to God, but we have tried this past year. Not every one of my decisions have been the best, and I have made mistakes; I don't blame God for this situation. But in truth, I do feel like I have failed.
I am supposed to be Batman, a superhero that can stand and defy any odds, and always come out on top to save the day. But these past few months I have felt weaker instead of stronger. I have not quit trying, but for all my trying nothing seems to get better. Even the walk I took as I prayed yesterday morning took it's toll on my body. My old ankles, still damaged from a motorcycle accident from eighteen years ago, gave out about two-thirds of the way. I could barely walk the rest of the day, and I am still in quite a bit of pain this morning. I am no superhero.
I went to bed last night thinking about the message that I had heard on Friday night. 
GOD'S VOICE CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING, and I needed to hear God's voice.
It came to me at one a.m. I woke up and in my spirit I heard one verse,

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty. 

I went back to sleep with the peace that I had been searching for. I woke up this morning and looked up the verse in Zechariah 4, and then I went on to read the entire book. 
I do not have the strength to get through what is ahead us, nor do I have the means at my disposal to fix any of it; But I do have the Spirit of God living inside of me, and I trust my God. He has seen me through so much, how can I doubt and fear that He might fail me now? 

My neighbor saw me limping last night and asked if I was alright. He had seen me coming home earlier in the morning as I was returning from my walk and had said hello. I told him that I had just walked too far that morning and had over done it. He remembered and said, "That is from your motorcycle accident right? You have been through a lot. Actually, you have been through more than any man that I have ever known." At that we both kind of chuckled and I said, "I'll be OK."
But afterwards I began to realize something, people know me. I have a story that is starting to be told. But as my story is told, will I be known for my tragedies or will I be known for my faith. Everyone could see Job's tragedy, but his faith was revealed by his words. It's what you say in your tragedy that reveals your heart. So this Sunday morning, the first day of the week, the day of new beginning; I want to praise my God for seeing me through the week. I trust Him, no matter what the outcome or the circumstance, He is faithful and He is just. I may still have to carry the burden, but I let the weight rest on Him and my heart is light. 

Thank you Jesus for saving me and standing with me through every moment of this life that I have been so richly blessed to enjoy. 

I still hold onto this verse, it has been with me for a year now; and becomes more significant with each passing day.
 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
Luke 22:42

The Furnace

I was a little unsure, but I was ready to try and start a daily blog; that was almost two weeks ago.

Life seemed to come at me pretty hard the past few weeks, and I really wasn't sure why.
I had started studying the lives of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. You would think by now that I would have realized what was happening. You see, I have come to understand one undeniable truth in my efforts to become a writer these past few years. It is something that God has revealed to me, slowly and patiently.

If I am willing to write it, I must also be willing to live it.

I finished my last blog with a question, Where was Daniel as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego faced the Fiery Furnace?

I did my homework, and I read a lot of possible theories. Men with much greater knowledge and understanding than I have asked this same question. There are many plausible ideas, but in the end there is one undeniable, common consensus; we do not know where Daniel was, the Bible simply does not tell us.
But my lesson was not over. Many times we must first define the question, before we are ready to receive the answer. I had asked a question that I did not fully understand, I needed time to learn; and as with many of the things of God, to learn them is to live them.

From the time of their captivity Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had proven that they were willing to stand with Daniel in their stand for God. Now, whatever the reason, it is pretty clear that God chose Daniel to stand out in this group. It was Daniel that received the interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar's dream, and he would be the one to be elevated to the highest position; but God did not leave Daniel to stand alone. Daniel was able to see that his friends were appointed to positions of authority, they would remain close. But choosing to stand with a friend, does not mean that you will stand next to them in every trial. As I have prayed and asked for wisdom concerning my question of where was Daniel, I heard the Lord put this statement in my spirit.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had proved that they were "willing" to stand with Daniel,
The Furnace proved that they "could" stand by him.

Daniel was a gifted leader and a devoted man of God. He would serve four kings, and he remained in the royal court through each ones reign. He had been established by God in his position, and now God would establish Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego as well.
King Nebuchadnezzar already held Daniel in the highest regard.

 Daniel 2:
 46 Then King Nebuchadnezzar fell prostrate before Daniel and paid him honor and ordered that an offering and incense be presented to him.

47 The king said to Daniel, “Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries, for you were able to reveal this mystery.”

48 Then the king placed Daniel in a high position and lavished many gifts on him. He made him ruler over the entire province of Babylon and placed him in charge of all its wise men.

49 Moreover, at Daniel’s request the king appointed Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego administrators over the province of Babylon, while Daniel himself remained at the royal court.

It's possible that he may not have required Daniel to bow to the image, but he would not have recognized these three young men in the same way, even if they did claim to serve Daniel's God. There would have been other Israeli refugees in the kingdom at that time, but it seems that only these three had the courage and conviction not to bow.
I believe that Daniel was there the entire time watching this event play out. His place may have been in the royal court, but it was not his place to intervene on this day. I believe that Daniel had to stand there and pray for his friends, believing that God would do what was best; just as his three friends believed as well. No one knew what the outcome would be, they only knew what was right and what they must do.

Daniel 3:

16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.

17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.

18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

 

Sometimes we just don't know how things will work out, we have to leave that part up to God. But we can be willing to live up to our part. Most of the time there is only one Daniel appointed by God. But in my time contemplating this story, I believe that every Israeli captive had the opportunity to stand with Daniel. Only three were willing to accept that position, to have Daniel's back when it mattered; and the furnace proved their worth. 

One day Daniel would stand alone and face the lion's den, but I am convinced that he was not the only one that would spend that night in prayer. 

There are those that we will choose to stand with, but we must also allow God to determine who is proven to be able to stand. It can be an uncertain process, but it is often God's way of proving us.

 

 

 

Defenseless

 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter, if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”      Daniel 3:16-18

 Quite often, this is what it looks like when God calls upon you to "be the wall".

The past few blogs I have talked about just a few of the times when I had "hit the wall", as my pastor called it. Those impossible moments, when it feels like you have nothing left, no strength, no resources, no options; except the will, and the call to keep going. 
In all honesty, the past few days have been like hitting a wall. I have stared at this screen in complete frustration. I have written pages, only to delete them. Knowing that there was something to share, but it was like my hands and my head could not connect and I just could'nt get a hold of the words that I felt in my spirit. 
For three days I had written daily, and I was nervous about that. I was afraid that I did not possess enough information, inspiration, or talent to step up to a daily blog. And then for three days it seemed like my fears where right. 
In all honesty, I had nothing until this morning. It has been a long week. I have had some health issues that were causing a lot of discomfort, that I finally had to resolve last night. I was tired and I felt weak as I laid in the bed this morning. I was having one of those twilight dreams, half-awake, half-asleep; when someone in the dream said,"you scare me, because you are my wall." But then they explained that it was a good thing; it was a wall that kept them from doing harm to themselves, and that they were grateful for such a person that was willing to stand in such a place.

There are four young men in the book of Daniel that 'hit the wall' more than once, yet they always placed there trust in God. As you read the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego you will see that what truly made them outstanding was simply their devotion to God. No matter what the circumstance, they would honor God first and above all else. They never protested, or rebelled; they submitted to the authorities that were in place, as long as they would not have to dishonor their God. And they did everything in excellence
There is a sense of irony to this story. They had been elevated to positions of power because of the dream that Daniel had interpreted for King Nebuchadnezzar. They had stood with Daniel and they had prayed with him, and they had found favor in the eyes of God and man. But Nebuchadnezzar's vanity always seemed to get the better of him. God had showed him in a dream the power and the future of his empire, but instead of praising God, he saw the opportunity to praise himself. In the dream, the golden head of the giant statue represented the kingdom of Nebuchadnezzar; so now he would build a giant ninety foot golden statue of himself for all to worship.
 All it seems for, except the four young men who would only worship their God,
That was the impassible barrier, the place where there was no compromise. They had lived in captivity in a foreign land, they had taken the new names that had been given to them, they wore the clothes and they assumed the titles that were placed upon them; but they had never been unfaithful to God. I believe that they were well aware of what might happen to them when they were summoned with all of the leaders of Babylon, to come and worship the image of this king. But they were not called to fear the fire, their only passion came in praising God.

Our impossible situations are God's proving grounds. 

When these three men were thrown into the fiery furnace, it was only what bound them that burned away. Even their clothes did not smell like smoke, because they were not bound by the positions or titles that their clothing would have represented. Their hair and beards did not singe, because they had openly acknowledged that their wisdom and glory was all from God; no man had bestowed it upon them, not even the king. They were not harmed, because they belonged to God and only God would decide their fate. 
A nation would watch these men 'hit the wall'. A nation would watch as these men would loose everything because of their devotion to their God. And because of their devotion to God, they became the wall that would stop a nation dead in its tracks. Every leader of Babylon saw the power of the God of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah on that day, and there was no way to get around it. Because God Himself showed up in the fire for all to see.

I have come to believe that the walls we encounter in life are never meant to crush us. But they do become part of us, those experiences that become our stories. They build us, so that one day we will have the strength to stand. Whether it is before our family, coworkers, employers, friends, enemies, and for some even leaders and nations; we will have the strength to stand for God. To not be bound by anything that this world could offer, our only devotion to God. It is in those impossible times that God will become the most visible in our lives, but only after we have learned to keep our eyes on Him.
So if you are hitting a wall right now, keep your eyes on Him; call out to Jesus and ask Him to step into your situation. Or have the strength to stand, be the wall that stands in the way to destruction and causes others to see the presence of God. In it all, just praise God and leave the fires up to Him.



 There is one after thought in all of this. I had considered writing it into today's blog, but I am feeling led to save it for tomorrow. Something to think about, a question that I have wondered, 

"Where was Daniel in all of this, where was he  as his friends were thrown into the fire?" 

Intersections

As I have gotten older, it becomes increasingly rare that life offers the simple choice of left or right. Not because the decisions themselves are that much more complicated, it is because I have a better understanding of the consequences of those decisions. 

As children, we must learn the difference between right and wrong, but as we mature, it is the consequences that we will spend much of our time trying to understand. But then the risk becomes allowing the consequences to control our decisions, and not just basing them on the principles of right and wrong. 

Welcome to life.

It all begins to look like a network of highways, rather than a simple crossroads. A slight veer to the right or the left can potentially put us on the wrong road, it is easy to become so afraid of doing the wrong thing that you are paralyzed into doing nothing.

Today I am still thinking about the consequences of "hitting the wall", and how important it is to keep going. Even when you aren't sure what might be around the corner, you have to trust that God can see what you cannot. Not all crossroads come with warning signs, and sometimes the answers don't come right away. But if you will just keep moving forward, God will remain faithful. Again I am reminded of something that happened to me years ago, a morning when a simple intersection became a very significant crossroad.

Just a few miles from my house is the intersection of Willowcreek Road and Route 20; to this day I use that intersection quite often, even though I was almost killed there, twice. 

I will never forget that first close call. 

Some years ago I owned a business, and for a time it did well. This particular morning I was sitting at that intersection waiting for the light to turn green. I sobbed as I clenched the steering wheel, because I was sure that I was about to fail. I had just taken on the largest contract that I had ever had, I had an impossible deadline, I was three days in and I hadn't even gotten started yet, I even needed employees that I hadn't hired yet! The boys were little and we had just bought a new house; I was sure that I was in over my head and I was beginning to panic. So I sat there praying waiting for the light to turn green, on that dark morning before the sun had even risen. As I pleaded to God for help and wisdom, the light finally had changed. I was still so lost in thought and prayer that I simply took my foot off the brake and began to roll forward. Just then, a semi truck that was trying to beat the light, flew through the intersection at, at least, 60 mph. He missed my front bumper by inches. Had I hit the gas pedal and pulled out, like I normally do; he would have obliterated me. Terrified, I slammed on the brakes; I only hope that I scared him just as much as he did me. After I checked my underwear, and for more trucks, I pulled out and went about the rest of my day. And I did make it through that day, and the next day, and the day after that; I fulfilled that contract, along with many more that followed after that one. 

And life moved on.

But as memorable as that was, it is not the reason that I remember that intersection so well. Three years later, I found myself at that same intersection, again sobbing as I clenched the steering wheel waiting for the light to turn green. I had failed, and I was going to close my business. I had recently lost my largest customer to new ownership. I had to layoff all of my employees and there were no more contracts. Norma was pregnant and had been very sick during most of her pregnancy; I was afraid to tell her that I thought we might loose the house too. It seemed like everything had fallen apart and I had no idea what to do next. So I sat there praying as I waited for the light to turn green, on a dark morning before the sun had even risen. As I begged God for help and wisdom, the light finally changed. And in a surreal moment of deja vu, as I started to pull forward a semi truck took the light and missed my bumper by inches. I instantly remembered the first time that this had happened three years before, and all that had been going through my mind on that morning. In that moment the Lord spoke to me as clearly as if He had spoken out loud, 

"I got you through it then, and I will get you through this now."

It has been ten years since that morning. The business is gone, but I have still made a living. We kept the house, but it is my wife and children that make it our home. Above all, God has always been faithful to see me through. I have made good and bad decisions and have lived with the consequences of both; but I keep going. It is an amazing race, with plenty of surprises around each corner to keep it interesting. Some roads don't always end in the way that we had envisioned, but that can't be known until you have gone as far as you can go. As the poet, Robert Frost said;

Two roads diverged in a wood, And I - 

I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

 

Hitting a Wall

It never ceases to amaze me, how certain memories come back when you would least expect them to.
Now I would have thought that as Pastor Dave spoke about "hitting a wall" on Sunday morning, that one of my more "recent" events would have come to mind. But instead, I found myself thinking back to something that happened back when I was eighteen years old.

It was the spring semester of 1991, and I was attending a small Christian college in Pensacola, Florida. It was actually the only semester of college that I would attend, but there are some lasting memories that were made in those five short months.
I didn't really go for the education, it was more of a timeout than anything. Things were pretty bad at home during that time. Dad was deep in his addictions and I had a major chip on my shoulder about it. More than once things almost got very violent, had mom not stepped in the middle; so it was decided that dad would go to rehab, and I would go to Florida to put some space between us.
The first half of the semester I did what I was supposed to do. Went to class, did my homework, got good grades, but about halfway through, I had what was probably a nervous breakdown, if only a minor one. I would wake up some mornings and not be able to remember what my classes were for that day. I quit doing my schoolwork and I had no interest in keeping up with my grades. My roommates actually thought that I might have mono, because all I would do was go to my classes, ride my bicycle and sleep.
It was that bicycle that probably saved me that year. Now this was not your standard off the rack Huffy that you would buy at Walmart. It wasn't top of the line either, but it was a pretty nice mid-range Schwinn touring bicycle. I had taken interest in cycling a few years before and had bought myself the bicycle with some summer job money. I put a lot of miles on that bicycle, even before going down to Florida. But that spring, I was averaging 100 to 150 miles a week. If I didn't have class, or have to work my on campus job, I was off campus riding along the coastline.
Now for several reasons, most of my own doing, I didn't have very many friends down there. I was a bit of a loner, mostly stuck in my own thoughts. I did find out that a lot of people recognized me because of that bicycle. Again, it was a small campus with a strict dress code; and apparently my cycling shorts did draw some attention as I peddled across the campus each day, lol.
But this particular week, I did find myself engaging in a few dinner conversations. It was quite common to have guest speakers for our chapel services throughout the week. But recently there had been a pastor who had given a message that had been deemed "controversial, and not in agreement with the guidelines of this institution." Needless to say, it was further stated that he would never be invited back and we should disregard what we had heard. But I could not understand what was so wrong with what we had heard.
I can't tell you chapter and verse, not twenty-seven years later; but I do remember the main point of the message, Relationship. He talked about a walk with God that focused on relationship and not just rules. Relationship that might sometimes depend on wisdom in situations where the rules did not seem to apply. He spoke of having such a real relationship with God that you could go to Him for anything and He would hear you. He even challenged those who were skeptical to give it a try. Pray a bold prayer that demanded an answer, something that only God could answer, something that only God could receive the credit for answering. I had never really been taught to pray that way, it almost seemed disrespectful; however I felt the truth of it in my spirit, and could not get it out of my mind. But in a very conservative school that focused heavily on the rules, it was basically blasphemy; and it made it very difficult for me to pursue the topic with most of my fellow collegians.

So where does a bicycle fit into this story?

It started on a Saturday morning.
I was always looking for new roads to ride and new places to ride to. I had heard several times of a place called Ft. Walton Beach and I had a rough idea on how to get there. Rarely did I bother to tell anyone where I was going, no one ever seemed to care. So Saturday morning, I signed out and I was on my way. It was a nice morning and I was enjoying some new scenery, even if it was just a flat rural highway. The miles passed by and I just peddled on. Cycling has a quiet rhythm that is easy to get lost in, so I really wasn't paying attention to how many miles I had ridden. It was around 30 miles that I noticed I had not seen any signs of the town yet, but I thought that I had already come this far so I might as well keep going. It turned out to be just under 50 miles to Ft. Walton Beach, a bit more than I had anticipated. I was a little tired but otherwise alright; it was the time that I had not factored for. To get back to school before my pass would run out at dinner time, I needed to start the trip back right away.
No problem, I thought, I would just eat a quick lunch and get on my way. I was about thirty minutes into the trip back when the weather starter to take a drastic turn for the worse. A bad storm came in off the gulf, the wind started to blow, the temperature went from 80 to 50 degrees, and it started to rain. Rain doesn't really begin to describe it, it was a downpour.
At this point I probably still had about 40 miles left to ride before I would get back to campus. I was soaking wet, freezing cold, and exhausted. The wind was driving what strength I thought I had left, right out of me. I could barely pedal fast enough to keep the bicycle upright, and my legs were cramping bad. Several times I had to get off the bike and walk the cramps out of my aching muscles, but I soon realized that I was facing another problem. It was taking much longer to make the trip back and I was going to run out of daylight long before I would make it back. As I processed my situation, I determined that I only had one real option; I began to pray!
I prayed like I had never prayed before. I told the Lord, "Here is your chance. That man said that if I  sincerely wanted to know that you could hear me, and that you truly do listen; then I could ask that you prove it. Well, here is your chance God. I have no way to call for help, nobody even knows that I am out here; but I need a ride. Send someone to pick me up and get me back to school, and I will know that it was you." I must have prayed that way for almost an hour. Trying to keep pedaling, walking off the leg cramps, watching it slowly get darker. And then the moment came, I was done praying because God was not going to answer. It was going to be the worst ride of my life, but I would ride in the dark until I made it back. I would get into trouble for being back late, and I did not care. "Screw it, I'll make it back on my own." And so I kept riding.
It had been about thirty minutes, when a head popped out of the window of a passing car,
"DAMIEN?!?", was all that I heard.
I started waving frantically for the car to pull over. It was my room mates three best friends, on their way back to campus. "What are you doing out here?", they asked. I just told them to put the bike in the trunk, and I would explain on the way back to school.
 God had heard my prayer.

I have always seen that day as the day that God proved to me that He was listening, that was the day that He proved to me that He was real. But this past Sunday morning, as I listened to Pastor Dave teach about "Hitting a Wall", I had another realization from that day. God did not just prove Himself to me, He also had me prove to myself that I could keep going. I had hit the wall, but I did not quit. I would need that quality as much as I would need God in the years to come, and still do to this day.
Life has thrown a few things at me since I was eighteen, but God taught me to keep going. I have had to sit and rest at times; but I have never quit, and I pray that I never will.

Shadows or Substance

T.S. Eliot once said that "good writers borrow, great writers steal."

Now, I may not yet be a great writer, but I do think that I understand his statement.
Let's say that you gathered together a dozen painters, and you placed them all on the same hilltop one evening. You supplied them all with the same paints, brushes, and canvas; and you told them to paint the sunset as they all faced to the West. What do you think would be the result? Would you get twelve exact copies of the same sunset; or would you have a dozen different interpretations, all unique works of art?
In the same way, words paint pictures in my mind. As I read or listen to another's words, I am often inspired, The images begin to take shape in my mind, and I paint with words until the screen tells a story. This particular story was inspired by Taylor as she spoke, teaching on a Thursday morning for chapel. Her title was "Shadows and Substance". Now, in all fairness, I did tell her that I was going to steal some of her material from that morning. And in typical Taylor fashion, she returned my statement with a big smile and said, "go for it". Taylor inspired me that morning, I don't write to correct or improve on anything that she had taught; I only write to share my interpretation of what I learned with her wise words.

I saw two types of believers in the church today, and contrary to what is popular in most comparisons, I am not setting out to criticize either one. The greatest call, the greatest desire of any believer should be the passion to point others towards Jesus. We are all meant to reveal the presence and power of a living and loving God. Yet there are still many debates in modern Christianity as to the most effective and biblical ways to do so. And then the thought came to me, we are all either Sundials or Solar Panels.
Sundials have been around for centuries. They can be simple and they can be beautiful, some are small and practical, while others can be quite large, ornate works of art. The technology of a sundial is simple; placed correctly, the point of the dial will cast a shadow using the light of the sun to indicate the time. The drawback to the sundial is just as simple, with out the sun there is no shadow. The sundial is not broken, it is still positioned correctly, but it can only do it's job when the sun is shining down. It's true of a lot of Christians as well. They are sincere and they are genuine, and as long as God is shining down they can be quite effective. They accurately cast a shadow of God's presence and point the way for many others. But when the clouds gather, or the night comes they sit dormant; waiting for the sun to return. They are still sundials, timeless and true, but without a sunny day they can do little but wait.
Solar Panels use the same source for power, but are a different technology altogether.  They collect and store the energy given off by the sun, and convert it into power that can be used at any time. Solar Panels don't look much like sundials either. They are not ornate, most are practically designed. Their main function is to store energy, but they are only useful when that power is tapped into and channeled into something else. Even on a cloudy day or after the sun has set, a solar panel's usefulness is not diminished. But a solar panel in and of itself does anyone little good. The power of the panel must be connected to something that can utilize that power for it to be useful to anyone. There is a parallel in Christianity as well.
It is not enough to just sit and soak in God's presence. Studying scripture, devotion to prayer, and time in deep worship will all create power in the believers life; but it is only in serving that you tap into that power and make it useful. There are too many "supercharged" Christians; full of untapped power they sit on the shelf, and  are as useful as a sundial on a stormy day. It is easy for one to criticize the other, to point out the flaws and shortcomings of each others design. But both are powered by the same source, both receive  their usefulness from the Son.  God will use the faithful sundials to reveal His presence, just as He will charge the panels to reveal His power in the darkness. But God's power cannot be contained for long, and it must be distributed through service to others. The greatest threat to either is allowing this world to overshadow your life and block out the sun entirely.

However you view yourself believer, you are only useful as you spend time in the Son. Use His light and power to reveal His presence to this world, and you will enjoy a meaningful and useful life; not only in this life, but throughout eternity as well.

Matthew 5:14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.