I'm going to do something a little different. I want to start off with a question.
Who do you want to be?
It's not an unfamiliar question, most of us have heard it since we were children. What do you want to be when you grow up? The question that sparked into an idea. We began to imagine the perfect identity, the perfect life that we hoped to live. For some it becomes a driving force, pushing them towards their destiny; for others it can become a constant source of condemnation, and a feeling of never measuring up to an unrealized potential.
This is the question that I have struggled with for quite some time, and probably a little more so the past few months. So when the Lord showed up one Thursday morning during my morning devotions with the passage, "He must increase, but I must decrease.”; He had my attention. I had studied John the Baptist for a Bible study just a few weeks prior, and I was familiar with the passage. I had remembered reading how John was the last Old Testament prophet and the first in the New Testament to recognize Jesus as the Christ. It was the Old and the New that the Lord began to speak to me about.
It's a familiar concept if you have spent a few years in church. The sinful old nature of man verses the God given new nature. It has been depicted in many ways over the years; an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, whispering in your ear. The Native Americans talked about a black wolf and a white wolf, and the one that you fed the most would prove to be the strongest. Even the concept of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was meant to represent the best and the worst that a man could become. Whatever your viewpoint, we can all understand the struggle of being that person that we despise or being that best possible version of ourselves.
Recently I was reminded of something that I had learned years ago, and it was key to understanding what the Lord was trying to show me on this morning. Every Old Testament story, every illustration, every mystery, every passage is meant to point to Messiah, it is the foreshadow of Jesus. Now that he had my attention, the Lord took me to the Old Testament story of King Saul and David. It is a story that is familiar to me, often used to illustrate how man looks at the outward appearance but God sees the heart. But this morning the Lord told me to look at this story from a perspective that I had never considered before. The instruction was simple, read the story in 1 Samuel with this template in mind:
-David is a representation of Jesus, the one that was chosen by God and anointed to sit on the throne;
-Saul is a representation of the old nature, the part of us that fights to stay in the seat of power;
-Jonathan is the representation of the new nature, the part of us that recognizes the new king and loves him dearly.
This story paints a beautiful picture of the conflict between our old and new nature, and who truly has the right to be placed on the throne in our hearts.
1 Samuel 16:
In it's simplicity, this is the story of most every believer that comes to Christ. We have been given the gift of life, and have made it as far as we can go; but we are separated from God. In that emptiness we are tormented and we search for relief. And then someone tells us about Jesus. We hear of all his qualities and agree to see what he is all about. You meet with Jesus once and there is relief. It is so pleasing that you don't want to let him go. So you pray to the Father and ask to receive his Son, to stay with you, to live in your heart.
At the start we are happy because we have found relief, but relief is not the same as peace. Jesus came so that we would be at peace with God, and quite often peace is only found after a battle.
32 David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.”
It is the giant in your life that will reveal the greatness of Jesus. The problem that was so big that we had no idea how to attack it, and were to afraid to even try. Like David, Jesus comes with a boldness that is inspiring and says that He can defeat this giant if you will allow him to. And like Saul, we reluctantly agree and then try to offer our armor as a sign of our participation. "This is how I would fix the problem Jesus, if you do it my way it could work." We want it to look like it was us that went out to fight and defeated the giant. But God does not do things that way for that very reason.
It is the end of this chapter were we see the crisis of the old nature. Saul thought that he knew who David was, but now sees him in a way that he never recognized; and for the first time Saul is now threatened by David. It is that first moment when our old nature realizes that it cannot coexist with Jesus that the inner conflict begins; but it is also in that moment that we recognize there is a new nature within us, one that loves Jesus and is willing to sacrifice everything for Him.
1 Samuel18:
Saul wanted David to borrow his armor, Jonathan gave David the clothes off his back.
Take it all, there is nothing that is mine that doesn't now belong to you, we are brothers. When you study the life of Jonathan you find that he was a great man. He was a man that feared God, he was brave in battle, he was wise and a good leader. As time passed, Saul would become more irrational and Jonathan would often intervene as the voice reason. Jonathan knew that it was David who was anointed to sit on the throne, and it was his greatest desire to see that destiny fulfilled. The best and the worst of the bloodline of Saul, one who embraced the change and the other that resisted.
Isn't it the same with us?
We know that old nature all too well. It causes nothing but trouble, and it comes to represent the worst possible version of who we are. But we are encouraged by this new nature that has sprung to life within us, this part of us that is completely in love with Jesus. This new nature is quickly recognized as the best possible version of who we can be.
At this point, on that Thursday morning, I was in complete agreement with all that the Lord had shown me in the scriptures. It made perfect sense. Then Lord reminded me of a passage in the New Testament, Romans 6:6, We know that our old natures were crucified with him so that our sin-laden bodies might be rendered powerless and we might no longer be slaves to sin.
I thought of all the times when, as Christians, we talked about the struggle and importance of putting the old nature behind us. Letting go of the sinful and destructive desires that would keep us from serving the Lord. And it was in that moment that the Lord spoke something to my spirit that even now leaves me at a loss for words to describe what I felt:
You now understand that Saul had to die for David to be placed on the throne, but Jonathan had to die also. You always thought that it was your old nature that you were trying deny, that worst version of yourself that needed to be crucified. But look at the verse again and you will see that it was already done through Jesus. When you accepted Him you were freed from everything that held you a prisoner to your old nature, you must now understand the phrase "It is finished".
It says in Matthew 16:24,Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone wants to follow me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow me continuously.
This command is not to the unsaved but to the redeemed, to those who call me Lord. It is the new nature that must be kept in check and crucified daily.
As I sat and began to consider this I realized that I had just been crushed. I began to bring into question every desire and motive for every action since giving my life to Jesus at the age of sixteen.
For the first ten years I tried to deny the new nature all together. I was Saul, I would not acknowledge Jonathan or David as heirs to the throne. I had grown up in church so I knew how to play the game, but I still wanted to be in charge. My life progressively spiraled downward until I almost lost it all, my marriage, my future, even my life. At the age of twenty-six, a motorcycle accident nearly crippled me and changed everything. I realized that old nature for what it was, a dead man that caused nothing but misery and sorrow. So, I let him die and I embraced the new nature inside of me. I chased Jesus with a passion, and the closer we became the more I loved Him. I began to see the potential of who I could be in Christ. That best possible version of myself started to emerge. It was who I wanted to be, side by side with Jesus I would take on any giant. I told the Lord that I will be the husband that loves his wife. I will be the father that raises his children to love the Lord. I will be a bold witness to the world. I will read my Bible, I will pray, I will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom, I will, I will, I WILL..... My Will.
Isaiah 14:14, "I will ascend above the highest clouds; I will make myself like the Most High."
I had realized the trap, I had fallen in love with the best possible version of myself; but not even he is worthy to sit on the throne in my heart. Only Jesus is worthy of that place of honor. It is my best potential that must step aside each day and say "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." It is why Jesus was the only one that was worthy, because his will was always submitted to the Father; it was never My Will, it was always Thy Will Be Done.
Again we see it modeled in the Old Testament, the acceptable sacrifice to the Lord was to be without spot or blemish. It was to be a picture of the perfect Son of God, sacrificed to atone for the sins of all mankind. So where did we get confused and think that it was good enough to crucify our old nature everyday and call it an acceptable sacrifice? I dare say that if killing the worst version of ourselves was a good enough sacrifice, then God could have crucified Satan as an atonement for mankind instead of his perfect Son. No, because we are not proud of the old nature; the horrible things that we used to be. The true sacrifice is to place the best possible version of myself on the altar and say "God it's yours, use it however you will".
This may all sound a bit strange the first time you hear it, but when you think about it you will realize that you have already seen this proven to be true. Have you ever seen someone who was so hopelessly lost, then came to Jesus, and suddenly this amazing person emerged. They realized their potential and it seemed limitless. Their life was blessed in every way, sometimes serving the Lord for years. But then, what seems like out of nowhere, there is a change. It all seems to fall apart and just as quickly they fall away. We wonder what happened and we ask why? In almost every situation the answer lies in one of two words, "No" or "Wait". We are all placed under authority, both to man and to God; there are no exceptions. It is when we rebel against that authority that we reveal our heart. We are told no or to wait, but we decide that our way is still the best. Humility would place it on the altar, but pride says that it is too good to die.
I started this year with a forty day fast. The Lord told me that something inside of me needed to die. I honestly believed that whatever it was, it was the thing that was keeping me from my potential. I was all in, I no longer wanted to be held back; I wanted to reach my potential. I knew my calling and I had discovered many of my gifts, if God would only give me the opportunity i would prove that I was ready to use them for the Kingdom.
I completed the fast, lost thirty pounds in the process. Opportunities started to present themselves and the means to pursue them. As an Armor Bearer, I had been given the opportunity to serve pastors once again. By their side I stood in battle and witnessed God deliver nothing short of a miracle, it felt as if I had proven myself in battle and would be restored to the calling that was so dear to me. But then there was the heart attack, I didn't see that coming. Yet God watched over me and even seemed to bless me through it. His provision was undeniable and somehow I became better through the trial. I began to think "I can use this" for a testimony of course, but maybe something else was hiding in my heart. Before there was time to truly consider what was stirring in my heart I was hit with the cancer. At first, I thought that I could take it on with the same strength that I had experienced with the heart attack, but that strength soon left me. It left me hurting and confused, desperately trying to hold myself together and somehow make sense of it all. As I look back at it now I realize that is when it began to happen, I was just grateful to be alive. My plans didn't seem so important anymore, I just needed Jesus to guide me through each day. I was still trying to make sense of it all, still asking God why? There was no answer, but God had not abandoned me either. His hand of blessing was on my recovery and my health, there was never any lack in His provision of our needs, and most of all there was peace. Peace of mind, peace in our marriage, peace in our home.
It was at the #STRONGER Men's Retreat that the Lord struck the spark that began to reignite a fire within me. I was still trying to make an answer that would fit my situation, I even thought that God had given me one. I still knew that something inside of me had to die. I told myself that it was the heart disease and colon cancer that God had intended to kill, how else could you explain this insane story? Anyway; that was on Saturday night, and now here we are on Thursday morning. I'm trying to get ready and leave to go to morning chapel at the church, instead I'm crying like a baby. In what I considered to be inappropriate timing, God decided to show up anyways and answer my question. I had my "Why?" and I now knew what had to die, everything that I had ever hoped to become and accomplish was no longer good enough. Only Jesus deserves to sit on the throne, but it has to be freely given to Him. You see, we were created in God's image, and therefore given the right to rule our own lives; to stay seated on the throne of our heart. Jesus is not a tyrant, He freely gave up His throne in Heaven to take our place, so we must freely give up our throne so that He may be seated there once again.
I will tell you the truth, I did not want to go to chapel at this point; but the Lord told me to go, so I got in the truck and left. As I drove, I found myself having a severe identity crisis. I had spent the past eighteen years trying to become who I thought might be the best possible version of myself, and now that person was no longer and would never be good enough. I knew that I would have to crucify him everyday for the rest of my life; but where did that leave me, what did that look like practically from day to day? I kept playing with the radio, I didn't want to talk to God anymore but there was more that He had to tell me.
I know that you are hurting, and that you now understand what I wanted to show you in the life of Jonathan; but you are still not seeing the whole picture. Yes; Jonathan loved David, but David loved Jonathan even more. David wept bitterly at the death of both Saul and Jonathan.
In 2 Samuel 1 you will find David's lament for Saul and Jonathan:
That new nature, the realized potential, that best possible version of yourself, your very best sacrifice does not go unnoticed. The new nature that loves Jesus with all his heart, well Jesus loves him even more. You are afraid that if he dies then your dreams will die with him, but the truth is quite the opposite. Sacrifice will always break the hold of Pride, and it is the Broken who will inherit the Kingdom of God. There is always a remnant, and before this morning is over you will meet him; his name is Mephibosheth.
2 Samuel 1:
Who do you want to be?
It's not an unfamiliar question, most of us have heard it since we were children. What do you want to be when you grow up? The question that sparked into an idea. We began to imagine the perfect identity, the perfect life that we hoped to live. For some it becomes a driving force, pushing them towards their destiny; for others it can become a constant source of condemnation, and a feeling of never measuring up to an unrealized potential.
This is the question that I have struggled with for quite some time, and probably a little more so the past few months. So when the Lord showed up one Thursday morning during my morning devotions with the passage, "He must increase, but I must decrease.”; He had my attention. I had studied John the Baptist for a Bible study just a few weeks prior, and I was familiar with the passage. I had remembered reading how John was the last Old Testament prophet and the first in the New Testament to recognize Jesus as the Christ. It was the Old and the New that the Lord began to speak to me about.
It's a familiar concept if you have spent a few years in church. The sinful old nature of man verses the God given new nature. It has been depicted in many ways over the years; an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, whispering in your ear. The Native Americans talked about a black wolf and a white wolf, and the one that you fed the most would prove to be the strongest. Even the concept of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was meant to represent the best and the worst that a man could become. Whatever your viewpoint, we can all understand the struggle of being that person that we despise or being that best possible version of ourselves.
Recently I was reminded of something that I had learned years ago, and it was key to understanding what the Lord was trying to show me on this morning. Every Old Testament story, every illustration, every mystery, every passage is meant to point to Messiah, it is the foreshadow of Jesus. Now that he had my attention, the Lord took me to the Old Testament story of King Saul and David. It is a story that is familiar to me, often used to illustrate how man looks at the outward appearance but God sees the heart. But this morning the Lord told me to look at this story from a perspective that I had never considered before. The instruction was simple, read the story in 1 Samuel with this template in mind:
-David is a representation of Jesus, the one that was chosen by God and anointed to sit on the throne;
-Saul is a representation of the old nature, the part of us that fights to stay in the seat of power;
-Jonathan is the representation of the new nature, the part of us that recognizes the new king and loves him dearly.
This story paints a beautiful picture of the conflict between our old and new nature, and who truly has the right to be placed on the throne in our hearts.
1 Samuel 16:
14
Now the Spirit of the LORD had
departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him.
15
Saul’s attendants said to him, “See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you.
16
Let our lord command his
servants here to search for someone who can play the lyre. He will play
when the evil spirit from God comes on you, and you will feel better.”
17
So Saul said to his attendants, “Find someone who plays well and bring him to me.”
18
One of the servants answered, “I
have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the lyre.
He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking
man. And the LORD is with him.”
19
Then Saul sent messengers to
Jesse and said, “Send me your son David, who is with the sheep.”
20
So Jesse took a donkey loaded
with bread, a skin of wine and a young goat and sent them with his son
David to Saul.
21
David came to Saul and entered
his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his
armor-bearers.
22
Then Saul sent word to Jesse,
saying, “Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with
him.”
23
Whenever the spirit from God
came on Saul, David would take up his lyre and play. Then relief would
come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him. In it's simplicity, this is the story of most every believer that comes to Christ. We have been given the gift of life, and have made it as far as we can go; but we are separated from God. In that emptiness we are tormented and we search for relief. And then someone tells us about Jesus. We hear of all his qualities and agree to see what he is all about. You meet with Jesus once and there is relief. It is so pleasing that you don't want to let him go. So you pray to the Father and ask to receive his Son, to stay with you, to live in your heart.
At the start we are happy because we have found relief, but relief is not the same as peace. Jesus came so that we would be at peace with God, and quite often peace is only found after a battle.
32 David said to Saul, “Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.”
33
Saul replied, “You are not able
to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young
man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”
34
But David said to Saul, “Your
servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came
and carried off a sheep from the flock,
35
I went after it, struck it and
rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by
its hair, struck it and killed it.
36
Your servant has killed both the
lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of
them, because he has defied the armies of the living God.
37
The LORD who rescued me from the
paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of
this Philistine.” Saul said to David, “Go, and the LORD be with you.”
38
Then Saul dressed David in his
own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his
head.
39
David fastened on his sword over
the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I
cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.”
So he took them off.
40
Then he took his staff in his
hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of
his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the
Philistine.
41
Meanwhile, the Philistine, with
his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David.
42
He looked David over and saw
that he was little more than a boy, glowing with health and handsome,
and he despised him.
43
He said to David, “Am I a dog,
that you come at me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his
gods.
44
“Come here,” he said, “and I’ll give your flesh to the birds and the wild animals!”
45
David said to the Philistine,
“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come
against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of
Israel, whom you have defied.
46
This day the LORD will deliver
you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This
very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds
and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God
in Israel.
47
All those gathered here will
know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the
battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
48
As the Philistine moved closer
to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him.
49
Reaching into his bag and taking
out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The
stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.
50
So David triumphed over the
Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he
struck down the Philistine and killed him.
51
David ran and stood over him. He
took hold of the Philistine’s sword and drew it from the sheath. After
he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword. When the Philistines
saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran.
52
Then the men of Israel and Judah
surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines to the entrance
of Gath and to the gates of Ekron. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to Gath and Ekron.
53
When the Israelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they plundered their camp.
54
David took the Philistine’s head
and brought it to Jerusalem; he put the Philistine’s weapons in his own
tent.
55
As Saul watched David going out
to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, “Abner,
whose son is that young man?” Abner replied, “As surely as you live,
Your Majesty, I don’t know.”
56
The king said, “Find out whose son this young man is.”
57
As soon as David returned from
killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with
David still holding the Philistine’s head.
58
“Whose son are you, young man?”
Saul asked him. David said, “I am the son of your servant Jesse of
Bethlehem.” It is the giant in your life that will reveal the greatness of Jesus. The problem that was so big that we had no idea how to attack it, and were to afraid to even try. Like David, Jesus comes with a boldness that is inspiring and says that He can defeat this giant if you will allow him to. And like Saul, we reluctantly agree and then try to offer our armor as a sign of our participation. "This is how I would fix the problem Jesus, if you do it my way it could work." We want it to look like it was us that went out to fight and defeated the giant. But God does not do things that way for that very reason.
It is the end of this chapter were we see the crisis of the old nature. Saul thought that he knew who David was, but now sees him in a way that he never recognized; and for the first time Saul is now threatened by David. It is that first moment when our old nature realizes that it cannot coexist with Jesus that the inner conflict begins; but it is also in that moment that we recognize there is a new nature within us, one that loves Jesus and is willing to sacrifice everything for Him.
1 Samuel18:
1
After David had finished talking
with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him
as himself.
2
From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family.
3
And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.
4
Jonathan took off the robe he
was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his
sword, his bow and his belt.Saul wanted David to borrow his armor, Jonathan gave David the clothes off his back.
Take it all, there is nothing that is mine that doesn't now belong to you, we are brothers. When you study the life of Jonathan you find that he was a great man. He was a man that feared God, he was brave in battle, he was wise and a good leader. As time passed, Saul would become more irrational and Jonathan would often intervene as the voice reason. Jonathan knew that it was David who was anointed to sit on the throne, and it was his greatest desire to see that destiny fulfilled. The best and the worst of the bloodline of Saul, one who embraced the change and the other that resisted.
Isn't it the same with us?
We know that old nature all too well. It causes nothing but trouble, and it comes to represent the worst possible version of who we are. But we are encouraged by this new nature that has sprung to life within us, this part of us that is completely in love with Jesus. This new nature is quickly recognized as the best possible version of who we can be.
At this point, on that Thursday morning, I was in complete agreement with all that the Lord had shown me in the scriptures. It made perfect sense. Then Lord reminded me of a passage in the New Testament, Romans 6:6, We know that our old natures were crucified with him so that our sin-laden bodies might be rendered powerless and we might no longer be slaves to sin.
I thought of all the times when, as Christians, we talked about the struggle and importance of putting the old nature behind us. Letting go of the sinful and destructive desires that would keep us from serving the Lord. And it was in that moment that the Lord spoke something to my spirit that even now leaves me at a loss for words to describe what I felt:
You now understand that Saul had to die for David to be placed on the throne, but Jonathan had to die also. You always thought that it was your old nature that you were trying deny, that worst version of yourself that needed to be crucified. But look at the verse again and you will see that it was already done through Jesus. When you accepted Him you were freed from everything that held you a prisoner to your old nature, you must now understand the phrase "It is finished".
It says in Matthew 16:24,Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone wants to follow me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow me continuously.
This command is not to the unsaved but to the redeemed, to those who call me Lord. It is the new nature that must be kept in check and crucified daily.
As I sat and began to consider this I realized that I had just been crushed. I began to bring into question every desire and motive for every action since giving my life to Jesus at the age of sixteen.
For the first ten years I tried to deny the new nature all together. I was Saul, I would not acknowledge Jonathan or David as heirs to the throne. I had grown up in church so I knew how to play the game, but I still wanted to be in charge. My life progressively spiraled downward until I almost lost it all, my marriage, my future, even my life. At the age of twenty-six, a motorcycle accident nearly crippled me and changed everything. I realized that old nature for what it was, a dead man that caused nothing but misery and sorrow. So, I let him die and I embraced the new nature inside of me. I chased Jesus with a passion, and the closer we became the more I loved Him. I began to see the potential of who I could be in Christ. That best possible version of myself started to emerge. It was who I wanted to be, side by side with Jesus I would take on any giant. I told the Lord that I will be the husband that loves his wife. I will be the father that raises his children to love the Lord. I will be a bold witness to the world. I will read my Bible, I will pray, I will be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom, I will, I will, I WILL..... My Will.
Isaiah 14:14, "I will ascend above the highest clouds; I will make myself like the Most High."
I had realized the trap, I had fallen in love with the best possible version of myself; but not even he is worthy to sit on the throne in my heart. Only Jesus is worthy of that place of honor. It is my best potential that must step aside each day and say "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." It is why Jesus was the only one that was worthy, because his will was always submitted to the Father; it was never My Will, it was always Thy Will Be Done.
Again we see it modeled in the Old Testament, the acceptable sacrifice to the Lord was to be without spot or blemish. It was to be a picture of the perfect Son of God, sacrificed to atone for the sins of all mankind. So where did we get confused and think that it was good enough to crucify our old nature everyday and call it an acceptable sacrifice? I dare say that if killing the worst version of ourselves was a good enough sacrifice, then God could have crucified Satan as an atonement for mankind instead of his perfect Son. No, because we are not proud of the old nature; the horrible things that we used to be. The true sacrifice is to place the best possible version of myself on the altar and say "God it's yours, use it however you will".
This may all sound a bit strange the first time you hear it, but when you think about it you will realize that you have already seen this proven to be true. Have you ever seen someone who was so hopelessly lost, then came to Jesus, and suddenly this amazing person emerged. They realized their potential and it seemed limitless. Their life was blessed in every way, sometimes serving the Lord for years. But then, what seems like out of nowhere, there is a change. It all seems to fall apart and just as quickly they fall away. We wonder what happened and we ask why? In almost every situation the answer lies in one of two words, "No" or "Wait". We are all placed under authority, both to man and to God; there are no exceptions. It is when we rebel against that authority that we reveal our heart. We are told no or to wait, but we decide that our way is still the best. Humility would place it on the altar, but pride says that it is too good to die.
I started this year with a forty day fast. The Lord told me that something inside of me needed to die. I honestly believed that whatever it was, it was the thing that was keeping me from my potential. I was all in, I no longer wanted to be held back; I wanted to reach my potential. I knew my calling and I had discovered many of my gifts, if God would only give me the opportunity i would prove that I was ready to use them for the Kingdom.
I completed the fast, lost thirty pounds in the process. Opportunities started to present themselves and the means to pursue them. As an Armor Bearer, I had been given the opportunity to serve pastors once again. By their side I stood in battle and witnessed God deliver nothing short of a miracle, it felt as if I had proven myself in battle and would be restored to the calling that was so dear to me. But then there was the heart attack, I didn't see that coming. Yet God watched over me and even seemed to bless me through it. His provision was undeniable and somehow I became better through the trial. I began to think "I can use this" for a testimony of course, but maybe something else was hiding in my heart. Before there was time to truly consider what was stirring in my heart I was hit with the cancer. At first, I thought that I could take it on with the same strength that I had experienced with the heart attack, but that strength soon left me. It left me hurting and confused, desperately trying to hold myself together and somehow make sense of it all. As I look back at it now I realize that is when it began to happen, I was just grateful to be alive. My plans didn't seem so important anymore, I just needed Jesus to guide me through each day. I was still trying to make sense of it all, still asking God why? There was no answer, but God had not abandoned me either. His hand of blessing was on my recovery and my health, there was never any lack in His provision of our needs, and most of all there was peace. Peace of mind, peace in our marriage, peace in our home.
It was at the #STRONGER Men's Retreat that the Lord struck the spark that began to reignite a fire within me. I was still trying to make an answer that would fit my situation, I even thought that God had given me one. I still knew that something inside of me had to die. I told myself that it was the heart disease and colon cancer that God had intended to kill, how else could you explain this insane story? Anyway; that was on Saturday night, and now here we are on Thursday morning. I'm trying to get ready and leave to go to morning chapel at the church, instead I'm crying like a baby. In what I considered to be inappropriate timing, God decided to show up anyways and answer my question. I had my "Why?" and I now knew what had to die, everything that I had ever hoped to become and accomplish was no longer good enough. Only Jesus deserves to sit on the throne, but it has to be freely given to Him. You see, we were created in God's image, and therefore given the right to rule our own lives; to stay seated on the throne of our heart. Jesus is not a tyrant, He freely gave up His throne in Heaven to take our place, so we must freely give up our throne so that He may be seated there once again.
I will tell you the truth, I did not want to go to chapel at this point; but the Lord told me to go, so I got in the truck and left. As I drove, I found myself having a severe identity crisis. I had spent the past eighteen years trying to become who I thought might be the best possible version of myself, and now that person was no longer and would never be good enough. I knew that I would have to crucify him everyday for the rest of my life; but where did that leave me, what did that look like practically from day to day? I kept playing with the radio, I didn't want to talk to God anymore but there was more that He had to tell me.
I know that you are hurting, and that you now understand what I wanted to show you in the life of Jonathan; but you are still not seeing the whole picture. Yes; Jonathan loved David, but David loved Jonathan even more. David wept bitterly at the death of both Saul and Jonathan.
In 2 Samuel 1 you will find David's lament for Saul and Jonathan:
17
David took up this lament concerning Saul and his son Jonathan,
18
and he ordered that the people
of Judah be taught this lament of the bow (it is written in the Book of
Jashar):
19
“A gazelle lies slain on your heights, Israel. How the mighty have fallen!
20
“Tell it not in Gath, proclaim
it not in the streets of Ashkelon, lest the daughters of the Philistines
be glad, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised rejoice.
21
“Mountains of Gilboa, may you
have neither dew nor rain, may no showers fall on your terraced fields.For there the shield of the mighty was despised, the shield of Saul—no longer rubbed with oil.
22
“From the blood of the slain,
from the flesh of the mighty, the bow of Jonathan did not turn back, the
sword of Saul did not return unsatisfied.
23
Saul and Jonathan— in life they
were loved and admired, and in death they were not parted. They were
swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions.
24
“Daughters of Israel, weep for
Saul, who clothed you in scarlet and finery, who adorned your garments
with ornaments of gold.
25
“How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights.
26
I grieve for you, Jonathan my
brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more
wonderful than that of women.
27
“How the mighty have fallen! The weapons of war have perished!”
That new nature, the realized potential, that best possible version of yourself, your very best sacrifice does not go unnoticed. The new nature that loves Jesus with all his heart, well Jesus loves him even more. You are afraid that if he dies then your dreams will die with him, but the truth is quite the opposite. Sacrifice will always break the hold of Pride, and it is the Broken who will inherit the Kingdom of God. There is always a remnant, and before this morning is over you will meet him; his name is Mephibosheth.
2 Samuel 1:
1
David asked, “Is there anyone
still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for
Jonathan’s sake?”
2
Now there was a servant of
Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David,
and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” “At your service,” he replied.
3
The king asked, “Is there no one
still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?”
Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in
both feet.”
4
“Where is he?” the king asked.
Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.”
5
So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel.
6
When Mephibosheth son of
Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him
honor. David said, “Mephibosheth!” “At your service,” he replied.
7
“Don’t be afraid,” David said to
him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father
Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your
grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.”
8
Mephibosheth bowed down and
said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?”
9
Then the king summoned Ziba,
Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson
everything that belonged to Saul and his family.
10
You and your sons and your
servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that
your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson
of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons
and twenty servants.)
11
Then Ziba said to the king,
“Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to
do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons.
12
Mephibosheth had a young son
named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of
Mephibosheth.
13
And Mephibosheth lived in
Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in
both feet.
I believe that it is when we have given the best sacrifice, when the new nature has been crucified that we have the freedom to walk into the very throne room of the King of Kings and dine at the King's table. It is the Broken that receive the empowering of the Holy Spirit, because we walk in the Spirit on broken ankles. There are no stories of the Mighty Mephibosheth, his very name means "out of my mouth proceeds reproach", yet he sits in the place of honor at the table of the king. Mephibosheth does not bear the burdens nor the responsibilities of the throne, instead he is privileged to the provision and protection of the palace. And so it is with us; if we will allow Jesus to sit on the throne, we are free. We live our lives knowing that He is in control, and we serve Jesus by simply serving others. It is not our plans and our will that must be fulfilled, we simply live in the reality of "Thy Will Be Done".
David not only honored Mephibosheth, he restored his inheritance as well; but he did not just restore what Mephibosheth had lost, he was given what was lost to three generations. What an amazing picture, give it all to God and what is returned could be the fulfillment of three lifetimes.
I had what I thought was a bit of a stretch of insight, and almost dismissed it as my own imagination. But then I decided to look up the meaning of the name of the town where Mephibosheth had been raised in hiding, the name of the town Lo Debar means "no pasture". Consider this, perhaps Mephibosheth was the source of inspiration as King David penned what is arguably the most recognized Psalm of the Bible. I'll leave it here and let you decide for yourself.
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
