Intimacy is quite often one of the most sought after and yet misunderstood feelings of life's experiences. I believe that this happens because most people have the misconception that intimacy is based on a feeling, but true intimacy is based on relationship.
We are all born with a hard wired need for intimacy. Every person from birth to adulthood needs to have an intimate relationship. Our first experience should be modeled by the relationship with our parents, a deep bond and connection that is there for a lifetime. I wish this was the first thought that came to mind when I use the word "intimacy".
Unfortunately this word has become perverted in today's society. You can rarely use the word "intimate" without it having some sort of sexual connotation. When trying to be polite or discrete, we will often use the term "being intimate" instead of saying "having sex". Today we have been sold on the idea that sex is the short-cut to intimacy; or even sadder still, that sex is the replacement of intimacy. Now don't get me wrong, sex is a wonderful thing in its proper setting; but sex is shallow and empty when it is used to try to replace intimacy.
I have thought a lot about intimacy these past few months.
The deep bond that I share with Norma, my children, God, and a few friends that know me best. Intimate relationships are forged with time, there are no short-cuts. Because through the course of time you will experience it all; joy, pain, celebration, heartache, failures and success. Time is the great revelator.
There is a song entitled "Even When it Hurts" performed by the worship band Hillsong. It has been one of my favorite songs for more than a year now, long before my health events of this past summer. During a recent chapel service my friend, Pastor Joe Angelo, ran the video of this song and asked each of us to pick out a line of this song and share why it was significant to us.
I had to smile, Pastor Joe had no idea how many times I had played this song while in my hospital room just a few weeks ago. I knew the line before he clicked on play,
"Even when it hurts like hell
I'll praise You"
There were many intimate moments that I experienced during my twelve days in the hospital, but there are two that I would like to share with you now.
The first I shared with Pastor Joe and those that were in that Thursday morning chapel service.
It was my fifth night in the hospital and Norma had not left my side. She had sat during the day and slept during the night in an uncomfortable reclining chair next to my bed. It was the night before my surgery. The cancer had been found the day before, we had spent the day talking with the doctors. We had covered as many scenarios as possible and had talked about all the "what if's" that we could handle. Emotionally, we were spent. It was late and all that we could do now was to wait and try to get some rest. It was the only night we did this, but that night Norma laid with me in that little hospital bed. We held each other until we fell asleep. Nothing sexual happened, we didn't even say much; but in our twenty-one years of marriage it was one of the most intimate moments that I have ever experienced.
You see, you don't always get to plan your intimate moments. But the more time you spend with someone, the more likely it is that you will become intimate.
The second moment happened a few nights later. I had come through the surgery well and I had convinced Norma to go to my mom's house to shower and sleep in a real bed. Our house seemed too far away and mom only lived ten minutes down the road, so Norma could live with that. I was alone in my room. I was still in a lot of pain, I had not gotten the testing results of the cancer cells back yet and my mind was filled with questions and concerns. I needed to pray, I wanted to talk with my Father.
Now to some of you this may sound odd, but I am only sharing what happened that night. I personally believe that we are often surrounded by spiritual forces, both heavenly and demonic. They watch and they listen because what we say and do matters in the seen and the unseen realms. This night however, I wanted to speak freely without anyone or anything else to hear what I had to say. As I began to pray I asked the Lord to seal the room, I asked God to remove any other presence from the room so that I could talk to Him openly, just me and God. What I experienced that night was one of the most open and honest discussions with God that I have ever had. It was an intimate time that has changed my relationship with my Father in ways that I am only beginning to understand. But again, I would have never chosen this moment to be intimate with God. I didn't want to have cancer, I didn't want to be cut open and have my insides dissected. I did not want this pain, but because of the years that I have spent with my God I knew that He is a good Father. He gave me a peace and a strength that I had never thought possible, and He assured me that He was in control. It is a moment, and an experience that I would never want to be taken away from me.
In the past few weeks since I have returned home I have thought about something that I read some time ago. It has stuck with me even though I never really had a good understanding of what it meant. This may not be word for word, but it went something like this,
It is a wonderful revelation and a meaningful relationship when we can see God as a good and caring Heavenly Father. But the next step, the life changing revelation is when we see Jesus as the Groom and the Church as His Bride.
Now I have shared many times about my need for a Father and how my relationship with God has fulfilled that void. But trying to imagine myself as being part of the Bride of Christ never was an image that I could understand, and honestly it just sounded a little strange. That was until I saw it modeled right before my eyes. I thought of Norma waiting for me for almost two weeks, sitting and sleeping in that chair. Not willing to leave and go home until I came with her. I am her love, her groom; and there was no other place for her to be other than at my side.
I am a doubly blessed man; to know my God as I do and to have a wife like Norma. Sometimes intimacy is sexy and romantic, but it goes so much deeper than that. I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand the depths of intimacy; but even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You.
We are all born with a hard wired need for intimacy. Every person from birth to adulthood needs to have an intimate relationship. Our first experience should be modeled by the relationship with our parents, a deep bond and connection that is there for a lifetime. I wish this was the first thought that came to mind when I use the word "intimacy".
Unfortunately this word has become perverted in today's society. You can rarely use the word "intimate" without it having some sort of sexual connotation. When trying to be polite or discrete, we will often use the term "being intimate" instead of saying "having sex". Today we have been sold on the idea that sex is the short-cut to intimacy; or even sadder still, that sex is the replacement of intimacy. Now don't get me wrong, sex is a wonderful thing in its proper setting; but sex is shallow and empty when it is used to try to replace intimacy.
I have thought a lot about intimacy these past few months.
The deep bond that I share with Norma, my children, God, and a few friends that know me best. Intimate relationships are forged with time, there are no short-cuts. Because through the course of time you will experience it all; joy, pain, celebration, heartache, failures and success. Time is the great revelator.
There is a song entitled "Even When it Hurts" performed by the worship band Hillsong. It has been one of my favorite songs for more than a year now, long before my health events of this past summer. During a recent chapel service my friend, Pastor Joe Angelo, ran the video of this song and asked each of us to pick out a line of this song and share why it was significant to us.
I had to smile, Pastor Joe had no idea how many times I had played this song while in my hospital room just a few weeks ago. I knew the line before he clicked on play,
"Even when it hurts like hell
I'll praise You"
There were many intimate moments that I experienced during my twelve days in the hospital, but there are two that I would like to share with you now.
The first I shared with Pastor Joe and those that were in that Thursday morning chapel service.
It was my fifth night in the hospital and Norma had not left my side. She had sat during the day and slept during the night in an uncomfortable reclining chair next to my bed. It was the night before my surgery. The cancer had been found the day before, we had spent the day talking with the doctors. We had covered as many scenarios as possible and had talked about all the "what if's" that we could handle. Emotionally, we were spent. It was late and all that we could do now was to wait and try to get some rest. It was the only night we did this, but that night Norma laid with me in that little hospital bed. We held each other until we fell asleep. Nothing sexual happened, we didn't even say much; but in our twenty-one years of marriage it was one of the most intimate moments that I have ever experienced.
You see, you don't always get to plan your intimate moments. But the more time you spend with someone, the more likely it is that you will become intimate.
The second moment happened a few nights later. I had come through the surgery well and I had convinced Norma to go to my mom's house to shower and sleep in a real bed. Our house seemed too far away and mom only lived ten minutes down the road, so Norma could live with that. I was alone in my room. I was still in a lot of pain, I had not gotten the testing results of the cancer cells back yet and my mind was filled with questions and concerns. I needed to pray, I wanted to talk with my Father.
Now to some of you this may sound odd, but I am only sharing what happened that night. I personally believe that we are often surrounded by spiritual forces, both heavenly and demonic. They watch and they listen because what we say and do matters in the seen and the unseen realms. This night however, I wanted to speak freely without anyone or anything else to hear what I had to say. As I began to pray I asked the Lord to seal the room, I asked God to remove any other presence from the room so that I could talk to Him openly, just me and God. What I experienced that night was one of the most open and honest discussions with God that I have ever had. It was an intimate time that has changed my relationship with my Father in ways that I am only beginning to understand. But again, I would have never chosen this moment to be intimate with God. I didn't want to have cancer, I didn't want to be cut open and have my insides dissected. I did not want this pain, but because of the years that I have spent with my God I knew that He is a good Father. He gave me a peace and a strength that I had never thought possible, and He assured me that He was in control. It is a moment, and an experience that I would never want to be taken away from me.
In the past few weeks since I have returned home I have thought about something that I read some time ago. It has stuck with me even though I never really had a good understanding of what it meant. This may not be word for word, but it went something like this,
It is a wonderful revelation and a meaningful relationship when we can see God as a good and caring Heavenly Father. But the next step, the life changing revelation is when we see Jesus as the Groom and the Church as His Bride.
Now I have shared many times about my need for a Father and how my relationship with God has fulfilled that void. But trying to imagine myself as being part of the Bride of Christ never was an image that I could understand, and honestly it just sounded a little strange. That was until I saw it modeled right before my eyes. I thought of Norma waiting for me for almost two weeks, sitting and sleeping in that chair. Not willing to leave and go home until I came with her. I am her love, her groom; and there was no other place for her to be other than at my side.
That is the love that I am supposed to feel for Jesus. He took all the pain, He endured the cancer; and His only reward was that I could be at His side and it made it all worth it, for now and for eternity. Is it such a high price to pay to sometimes have to sit in an uncomfortable recliner to stay by His side? After years of prayer and devotions, something that I had never really understood before now made sense because of what I had watched Norma, my bride, live right before my eyes.
Christianity is not a set of rules; and salvation is not found in a prayer, it is found in a relationship. We were created to be intimate, with each other and with God. Sin took intimacy away from us but Jesus came and restored what we lost, but then He gave us so much more.I am a doubly blessed man; to know my God as I do and to have a wife like Norma. Sometimes intimacy is sexy and romantic, but it goes so much deeper than that. I will spend the rest of my life trying to understand the depths of intimacy; but even when it hurts like hell, I'll praise You.
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