Have you ever had a past conversation come to mind?
I have had a lot of things on my mind the past few days. If I am going to be honest, I have lost a little sleep over some of it. I keep going back and forth in my head; on one hand I can clearly see where God has protected and provided for me and my family, but in the other hand I see everything that is stacking up and I get scared. I keep trying to move on, I know that I should move on, I just can't see a way yet. And then there is this past conversation that keeps popping up in my head. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, even though it happened at least ten years ago.
Darrell has to be one of the most genuine people that I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend. I have known Darrell for close to thirty years now, and over the years we have talked about a lot things. He has lived through more than I can begin to imagine and I have always valued his wisdom and insight.
This particular day wasn't very different from any other day. I had stopped by Darrell's shop to drop something off and we were just catching up with each other, talking about life. One of the best things about Darrell is how he will always tell you about how faithful God has been to see him through everything that life has thrown at him over the years. We both agreed that life is not always easy, but God has a way of showing up in ways that you don't always see coming. I remember making this comment, and it is this comment that I keep thinking about;
"You know the feeling of relief; that overwhelming peace, even joy, that you feel once a prayer has been answered? You know; you were sick with worry, the situation seemed impossible, and then God showed up. Everything worked out better than you could have hoped for and all that was left to do was to praise and thank God for being so merciful, that He would hear your need and move on your behalf. It is almost a surreal feeling, you almost wonder why you had ever worried or doubted in the first place.
I want to experience that feeling before God shows up. I want the faith that knows that God is going to take care of the situation, whatever it may be, before there is any sign that He is on top of the situation. I hope that one day I can face any situation and have that feeling of peace before I see any kind of answer. I want to have more faith in God than I have in the answer."
We both thought about that statement for a minute, and then we both agreed that this is not an easy kind of faith to come by.
Over the years I have thought about this conversation from time to time, but the past few days it seems that I can't stop thinking about it.
So now for the million dollar question, the question that has me sitting here tonight. After ten years, do I now posses this kind of faith? The answer, in all honesty, is No.
I was sitting in this same spot Saturday afternoon having this same conversation with myself. Praying, seeking direction, asking God what do I do next? That, after all, seems to be the question that I have been stuck on lately. I want something to do, some plan of action, a way to get life back on a track that makes sense to me. As I was asking these questions, I heard something in my spirit but it wasn't anything that I might have expected to hear.
I am going to make you a spectacle.
This is the furthest thing from what I thought that I might hear. I don't know exactly what it means, and honestly, just my by own speculations this statement made me a little nervous. I continued to pray and ponder the meaning of this for the rest of the day, but I did not share this with anyone else.
The words have not come easy today, but not every day is meant to be easy I suppose. If life is difficult, don't give up. If the answers are unclear, sometimes it is best to pause and wait for clarity.
The Lord led me to Isaiah 40, it is in verses 27-31 that I will end this for tonight and I will sleep knowing that my life is more secure in my God's hands than in my own.
I have had a lot of things on my mind the past few days. If I am going to be honest, I have lost a little sleep over some of it. I keep going back and forth in my head; on one hand I can clearly see where God has protected and provided for me and my family, but in the other hand I see everything that is stacking up and I get scared. I keep trying to move on, I know that I should move on, I just can't see a way yet. And then there is this past conversation that keeps popping up in my head. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, even though it happened at least ten years ago.
Darrell has to be one of the most genuine people that I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend. I have known Darrell for close to thirty years now, and over the years we have talked about a lot things. He has lived through more than I can begin to imagine and I have always valued his wisdom and insight.
This particular day wasn't very different from any other day. I had stopped by Darrell's shop to drop something off and we were just catching up with each other, talking about life. One of the best things about Darrell is how he will always tell you about how faithful God has been to see him through everything that life has thrown at him over the years. We both agreed that life is not always easy, but God has a way of showing up in ways that you don't always see coming. I remember making this comment, and it is this comment that I keep thinking about;
"You know the feeling of relief; that overwhelming peace, even joy, that you feel once a prayer has been answered? You know; you were sick with worry, the situation seemed impossible, and then God showed up. Everything worked out better than you could have hoped for and all that was left to do was to praise and thank God for being so merciful, that He would hear your need and move on your behalf. It is almost a surreal feeling, you almost wonder why you had ever worried or doubted in the first place.
I want to experience that feeling before God shows up. I want the faith that knows that God is going to take care of the situation, whatever it may be, before there is any sign that He is on top of the situation. I hope that one day I can face any situation and have that feeling of peace before I see any kind of answer. I want to have more faith in God than I have in the answer."
We both thought about that statement for a minute, and then we both agreed that this is not an easy kind of faith to come by.
Over the years I have thought about this conversation from time to time, but the past few days it seems that I can't stop thinking about it.
So now for the million dollar question, the question that has me sitting here tonight. After ten years, do I now posses this kind of faith? The answer, in all honesty, is No.
I was sitting in this same spot Saturday afternoon having this same conversation with myself. Praying, seeking direction, asking God what do I do next? That, after all, seems to be the question that I have been stuck on lately. I want something to do, some plan of action, a way to get life back on a track that makes sense to me. As I was asking these questions, I heard something in my spirit but it wasn't anything that I might have expected to hear.
I am going to make you a spectacle.
This is the furthest thing from what I thought that I might hear. I don't know exactly what it means, and honestly, just my by own speculations this statement made me a little nervous. I continued to pray and ponder the meaning of this for the rest of the day, but I did not share this with anyone else.
I did decide to share this with Norma the next morning. Her reaction was pretty much the same as mine. "A spectacle isn't necessarily a good thing", was her reply.
I still don't know what it all means, but I have come to realize that there are many things that are not under my control. I simply choose to trust God and not complain about the things that I do not understand. I wasn't even 100% sure about sharing any of this, but somehow I feel that there might be someone else out there who can in some way relate to what it is that I have been trying to share.The words have not come easy today, but not every day is meant to be easy I suppose. If life is difficult, don't give up. If the answers are unclear, sometimes it is best to pause and wait for clarity.
The Lord led me to Isaiah 40, it is in verses 27-31 that I will end this for tonight and I will sleep knowing that my life is more secure in my God's hands than in my own.
27Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
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