Defenseless

 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter, if we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”      Daniel 3:16-18

 Quite often, this is what it looks like when God calls upon you to "be the wall".

The past few blogs I have talked about just a few of the times when I had "hit the wall", as my pastor called it. Those impossible moments, when it feels like you have nothing left, no strength, no resources, no options; except the will, and the call to keep going. 
In all honesty, the past few days have been like hitting a wall. I have stared at this screen in complete frustration. I have written pages, only to delete them. Knowing that there was something to share, but it was like my hands and my head could not connect and I just could'nt get a hold of the words that I felt in my spirit. 
For three days I had written daily, and I was nervous about that. I was afraid that I did not possess enough information, inspiration, or talent to step up to a daily blog. And then for three days it seemed like my fears where right. 
In all honesty, I had nothing until this morning. It has been a long week. I have had some health issues that were causing a lot of discomfort, that I finally had to resolve last night. I was tired and I felt weak as I laid in the bed this morning. I was having one of those twilight dreams, half-awake, half-asleep; when someone in the dream said,"you scare me, because you are my wall." But then they explained that it was a good thing; it was a wall that kept them from doing harm to themselves, and that they were grateful for such a person that was willing to stand in such a place.

There are four young men in the book of Daniel that 'hit the wall' more than once, yet they always placed there trust in God. As you read the story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego you will see that what truly made them outstanding was simply their devotion to God. No matter what the circumstance, they would honor God first and above all else. They never protested, or rebelled; they submitted to the authorities that were in place, as long as they would not have to dishonor their God. And they did everything in excellence
There is a sense of irony to this story. They had been elevated to positions of power because of the dream that Daniel had interpreted for King Nebuchadnezzar. They had stood with Daniel and they had prayed with him, and they had found favor in the eyes of God and man. But Nebuchadnezzar's vanity always seemed to get the better of him. God had showed him in a dream the power and the future of his empire, but instead of praising God, he saw the opportunity to praise himself. In the dream, the golden head of the giant statue represented the kingdom of Nebuchadnezzar; so now he would build a giant ninety foot golden statue of himself for all to worship.
 All it seems for, except the four young men who would only worship their God,
That was the impassible barrier, the place where there was no compromise. They had lived in captivity in a foreign land, they had taken the new names that had been given to them, they wore the clothes and they assumed the titles that were placed upon them; but they had never been unfaithful to God. I believe that they were well aware of what might happen to them when they were summoned with all of the leaders of Babylon, to come and worship the image of this king. But they were not called to fear the fire, their only passion came in praising God.

Our impossible situations are God's proving grounds. 

When these three men were thrown into the fiery furnace, it was only what bound them that burned away. Even their clothes did not smell like smoke, because they were not bound by the positions or titles that their clothing would have represented. Their hair and beards did not singe, because they had openly acknowledged that their wisdom and glory was all from God; no man had bestowed it upon them, not even the king. They were not harmed, because they belonged to God and only God would decide their fate. 
A nation would watch these men 'hit the wall'. A nation would watch as these men would loose everything because of their devotion to their God. And because of their devotion to God, they became the wall that would stop a nation dead in its tracks. Every leader of Babylon saw the power of the God of Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah on that day, and there was no way to get around it. Because God Himself showed up in the fire for all to see.

I have come to believe that the walls we encounter in life are never meant to crush us. But they do become part of us, those experiences that become our stories. They build us, so that one day we will have the strength to stand. Whether it is before our family, coworkers, employers, friends, enemies, and for some even leaders and nations; we will have the strength to stand for God. To not be bound by anything that this world could offer, our only devotion to God. It is in those impossible times that God will become the most visible in our lives, but only after we have learned to keep our eyes on Him.
So if you are hitting a wall right now, keep your eyes on Him; call out to Jesus and ask Him to step into your situation. Or have the strength to stand, be the wall that stands in the way to destruction and causes others to see the presence of God. In it all, just praise God and leave the fires up to Him.



 There is one after thought in all of this. I had considered writing it into today's blog, but I am feeling led to save it for tomorrow. Something to think about, a question that I have wondered, 

"Where was Daniel in all of this, where was he  as his friends were thrown into the fire?" 

Intersections

As I have gotten older, it becomes increasingly rare that life offers the simple choice of left or right. Not because the decisions themselves are that much more complicated, it is because I have a better understanding of the consequences of those decisions. 

As children, we must learn the difference between right and wrong, but as we mature, it is the consequences that we will spend much of our time trying to understand. But then the risk becomes allowing the consequences to control our decisions, and not just basing them on the principles of right and wrong. 

Welcome to life.

It all begins to look like a network of highways, rather than a simple crossroads. A slight veer to the right or the left can potentially put us on the wrong road, it is easy to become so afraid of doing the wrong thing that you are paralyzed into doing nothing.

Today I am still thinking about the consequences of "hitting the wall", and how important it is to keep going. Even when you aren't sure what might be around the corner, you have to trust that God can see what you cannot. Not all crossroads come with warning signs, and sometimes the answers don't come right away. But if you will just keep moving forward, God will remain faithful. Again I am reminded of something that happened to me years ago, a morning when a simple intersection became a very significant crossroad.

Just a few miles from my house is the intersection of Willowcreek Road and Route 20; to this day I use that intersection quite often, even though I was almost killed there, twice. 

I will never forget that first close call. 

Some years ago I owned a business, and for a time it did well. This particular morning I was sitting at that intersection waiting for the light to turn green. I sobbed as I clenched the steering wheel, because I was sure that I was about to fail. I had just taken on the largest contract that I had ever had, I had an impossible deadline, I was three days in and I hadn't even gotten started yet, I even needed employees that I hadn't hired yet! The boys were little and we had just bought a new house; I was sure that I was in over my head and I was beginning to panic. So I sat there praying waiting for the light to turn green, on that dark morning before the sun had even risen. As I pleaded to God for help and wisdom, the light finally had changed. I was still so lost in thought and prayer that I simply took my foot off the brake and began to roll forward. Just then, a semi truck that was trying to beat the light, flew through the intersection at, at least, 60 mph. He missed my front bumper by inches. Had I hit the gas pedal and pulled out, like I normally do; he would have obliterated me. Terrified, I slammed on the brakes; I only hope that I scared him just as much as he did me. After I checked my underwear, and for more trucks, I pulled out and went about the rest of my day. And I did make it through that day, and the next day, and the day after that; I fulfilled that contract, along with many more that followed after that one. 

And life moved on.

But as memorable as that was, it is not the reason that I remember that intersection so well. Three years later, I found myself at that same intersection, again sobbing as I clenched the steering wheel waiting for the light to turn green. I had failed, and I was going to close my business. I had recently lost my largest customer to new ownership. I had to layoff all of my employees and there were no more contracts. Norma was pregnant and had been very sick during most of her pregnancy; I was afraid to tell her that I thought we might loose the house too. It seemed like everything had fallen apart and I had no idea what to do next. So I sat there praying as I waited for the light to turn green, on a dark morning before the sun had even risen. As I begged God for help and wisdom, the light finally changed. And in a surreal moment of deja vu, as I started to pull forward a semi truck took the light and missed my bumper by inches. I instantly remembered the first time that this had happened three years before, and all that had been going through my mind on that morning. In that moment the Lord spoke to me as clearly as if He had spoken out loud, 

"I got you through it then, and I will get you through this now."

It has been ten years since that morning. The business is gone, but I have still made a living. We kept the house, but it is my wife and children that make it our home. Above all, God has always been faithful to see me through. I have made good and bad decisions and have lived with the consequences of both; but I keep going. It is an amazing race, with plenty of surprises around each corner to keep it interesting. Some roads don't always end in the way that we had envisioned, but that can't be known until you have gone as far as you can go. As the poet, Robert Frost said;

Two roads diverged in a wood, And I - 

I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

 

Hitting a Wall

It never ceases to amaze me, how certain memories come back when you would least expect them to.
Now I would have thought that as Pastor Dave spoke about "hitting a wall" on Sunday morning, that one of my more "recent" events would have come to mind. But instead, I found myself thinking back to something that happened back when I was eighteen years old.

It was the spring semester of 1991, and I was attending a small Christian college in Pensacola, Florida. It was actually the only semester of college that I would attend, but there are some lasting memories that were made in those five short months.
I didn't really go for the education, it was more of a timeout than anything. Things were pretty bad at home during that time. Dad was deep in his addictions and I had a major chip on my shoulder about it. More than once things almost got very violent, had mom not stepped in the middle; so it was decided that dad would go to rehab, and I would go to Florida to put some space between us.
The first half of the semester I did what I was supposed to do. Went to class, did my homework, got good grades, but about halfway through, I had what was probably a nervous breakdown, if only a minor one. I would wake up some mornings and not be able to remember what my classes were for that day. I quit doing my schoolwork and I had no interest in keeping up with my grades. My roommates actually thought that I might have mono, because all I would do was go to my classes, ride my bicycle and sleep.
It was that bicycle that probably saved me that year. Now this was not your standard off the rack Huffy that you would buy at Walmart. It wasn't top of the line either, but it was a pretty nice mid-range Schwinn touring bicycle. I had taken interest in cycling a few years before and had bought myself the bicycle with some summer job money. I put a lot of miles on that bicycle, even before going down to Florida. But that spring, I was averaging 100 to 150 miles a week. If I didn't have class, or have to work my on campus job, I was off campus riding along the coastline.
Now for several reasons, most of my own doing, I didn't have very many friends down there. I was a bit of a loner, mostly stuck in my own thoughts. I did find out that a lot of people recognized me because of that bicycle. Again, it was a small campus with a strict dress code; and apparently my cycling shorts did draw some attention as I peddled across the campus each day, lol.
But this particular week, I did find myself engaging in a few dinner conversations. It was quite common to have guest speakers for our chapel services throughout the week. But recently there had been a pastor who had given a message that had been deemed "controversial, and not in agreement with the guidelines of this institution." Needless to say, it was further stated that he would never be invited back and we should disregard what we had heard. But I could not understand what was so wrong with what we had heard.
I can't tell you chapter and verse, not twenty-seven years later; but I do remember the main point of the message, Relationship. He talked about a walk with God that focused on relationship and not just rules. Relationship that might sometimes depend on wisdom in situations where the rules did not seem to apply. He spoke of having such a real relationship with God that you could go to Him for anything and He would hear you. He even challenged those who were skeptical to give it a try. Pray a bold prayer that demanded an answer, something that only God could answer, something that only God could receive the credit for answering. I had never really been taught to pray that way, it almost seemed disrespectful; however I felt the truth of it in my spirit, and could not get it out of my mind. But in a very conservative school that focused heavily on the rules, it was basically blasphemy; and it made it very difficult for me to pursue the topic with most of my fellow collegians.

So where does a bicycle fit into this story?

It started on a Saturday morning.
I was always looking for new roads to ride and new places to ride to. I had heard several times of a place called Ft. Walton Beach and I had a rough idea on how to get there. Rarely did I bother to tell anyone where I was going, no one ever seemed to care. So Saturday morning, I signed out and I was on my way. It was a nice morning and I was enjoying some new scenery, even if it was just a flat rural highway. The miles passed by and I just peddled on. Cycling has a quiet rhythm that is easy to get lost in, so I really wasn't paying attention to how many miles I had ridden. It was around 30 miles that I noticed I had not seen any signs of the town yet, but I thought that I had already come this far so I might as well keep going. It turned out to be just under 50 miles to Ft. Walton Beach, a bit more than I had anticipated. I was a little tired but otherwise alright; it was the time that I had not factored for. To get back to school before my pass would run out at dinner time, I needed to start the trip back right away.
No problem, I thought, I would just eat a quick lunch and get on my way. I was about thirty minutes into the trip back when the weather starter to take a drastic turn for the worse. A bad storm came in off the gulf, the wind started to blow, the temperature went from 80 to 50 degrees, and it started to rain. Rain doesn't really begin to describe it, it was a downpour.
At this point I probably still had about 40 miles left to ride before I would get back to campus. I was soaking wet, freezing cold, and exhausted. The wind was driving what strength I thought I had left, right out of me. I could barely pedal fast enough to keep the bicycle upright, and my legs were cramping bad. Several times I had to get off the bike and walk the cramps out of my aching muscles, but I soon realized that I was facing another problem. It was taking much longer to make the trip back and I was going to run out of daylight long before I would make it back. As I processed my situation, I determined that I only had one real option; I began to pray!
I prayed like I had never prayed before. I told the Lord, "Here is your chance. That man said that if I  sincerely wanted to know that you could hear me, and that you truly do listen; then I could ask that you prove it. Well, here is your chance God. I have no way to call for help, nobody even knows that I am out here; but I need a ride. Send someone to pick me up and get me back to school, and I will know that it was you." I must have prayed that way for almost an hour. Trying to keep pedaling, walking off the leg cramps, watching it slowly get darker. And then the moment came, I was done praying because God was not going to answer. It was going to be the worst ride of my life, but I would ride in the dark until I made it back. I would get into trouble for being back late, and I did not care. "Screw it, I'll make it back on my own." And so I kept riding.
It had been about thirty minutes, when a head popped out of the window of a passing car,
"DAMIEN?!?", was all that I heard.
I started waving frantically for the car to pull over. It was my room mates three best friends, on their way back to campus. "What are you doing out here?", they asked. I just told them to put the bike in the trunk, and I would explain on the way back to school.
 God had heard my prayer.

I have always seen that day as the day that God proved to me that He was listening, that was the day that He proved to me that He was real. But this past Sunday morning, as I listened to Pastor Dave teach about "Hitting a Wall", I had another realization from that day. God did not just prove Himself to me, He also had me prove to myself that I could keep going. I had hit the wall, but I did not quit. I would need that quality as much as I would need God in the years to come, and still do to this day.
Life has thrown a few things at me since I was eighteen, but God taught me to keep going. I have had to sit and rest at times; but I have never quit, and I pray that I never will.

Shadows or Substance

T.S. Eliot once said that "good writers borrow, great writers steal."

Now, I may not yet be a great writer, but I do think that I understand his statement.
Let's say that you gathered together a dozen painters, and you placed them all on the same hilltop one evening. You supplied them all with the same paints, brushes, and canvas; and you told them to paint the sunset as they all faced to the West. What do you think would be the result? Would you get twelve exact copies of the same sunset; or would you have a dozen different interpretations, all unique works of art?
In the same way, words paint pictures in my mind. As I read or listen to another's words, I am often inspired, The images begin to take shape in my mind, and I paint with words until the screen tells a story. This particular story was inspired by Taylor as she spoke, teaching on a Thursday morning for chapel. Her title was "Shadows and Substance". Now, in all fairness, I did tell her that I was going to steal some of her material from that morning. And in typical Taylor fashion, she returned my statement with a big smile and said, "go for it". Taylor inspired me that morning, I don't write to correct or improve on anything that she had taught; I only write to share my interpretation of what I learned with her wise words.

I saw two types of believers in the church today, and contrary to what is popular in most comparisons, I am not setting out to criticize either one. The greatest call, the greatest desire of any believer should be the passion to point others towards Jesus. We are all meant to reveal the presence and power of a living and loving God. Yet there are still many debates in modern Christianity as to the most effective and biblical ways to do so. And then the thought came to me, we are all either Sundials or Solar Panels.
Sundials have been around for centuries. They can be simple and they can be beautiful, some are small and practical, while others can be quite large, ornate works of art. The technology of a sundial is simple; placed correctly, the point of the dial will cast a shadow using the light of the sun to indicate the time. The drawback to the sundial is just as simple, with out the sun there is no shadow. The sundial is not broken, it is still positioned correctly, but it can only do it's job when the sun is shining down. It's true of a lot of Christians as well. They are sincere and they are genuine, and as long as God is shining down they can be quite effective. They accurately cast a shadow of God's presence and point the way for many others. But when the clouds gather, or the night comes they sit dormant; waiting for the sun to return. They are still sundials, timeless and true, but without a sunny day they can do little but wait.
Solar Panels use the same source for power, but are a different technology altogether.  They collect and store the energy given off by the sun, and convert it into power that can be used at any time. Solar Panels don't look much like sundials either. They are not ornate, most are practically designed. Their main function is to store energy, but they are only useful when that power is tapped into and channeled into something else. Even on a cloudy day or after the sun has set, a solar panel's usefulness is not diminished. But a solar panel in and of itself does anyone little good. The power of the panel must be connected to something that can utilize that power for it to be useful to anyone. There is a parallel in Christianity as well.
It is not enough to just sit and soak in God's presence. Studying scripture, devotion to prayer, and time in deep worship will all create power in the believers life; but it is only in serving that you tap into that power and make it useful. There are too many "supercharged" Christians; full of untapped power they sit on the shelf, and  are as useful as a sundial on a stormy day. It is easy for one to criticize the other, to point out the flaws and shortcomings of each others design. But both are powered by the same source, both receive  their usefulness from the Son.  God will use the faithful sundials to reveal His presence, just as He will charge the panels to reveal His power in the darkness. But God's power cannot be contained for long, and it must be distributed through service to others. The greatest threat to either is allowing this world to overshadow your life and block out the sun entirely.

However you view yourself believer, you are only useful as you spend time in the Son. Use His light and power to reveal His presence to this world, and you will enjoy a meaningful and useful life; not only in this life, but throughout eternity as well.

Matthew 5:14 “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 15 No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.